feel like giving up

i'm just so tired of everything. i've been feeling depressed for so long and it gets really hard at time and i just start losing my mind and start having these bad thoughts. especially recently, i feel like i keep falling into this dark stage and whenever i think or have hope that things will get better everything goes to shit again. no matter how hard i try i just feel like i'm not good enoguh for anyone, not even my friends or family. i always feel so insecure about every part of myself like honestly it feels like i'll never find anyone who will actually love me for who i am. i always feel so lonely no matter where or who i'm with and its hard for me to open up to people because people have hurt me in the past and because of that i have trust issues. sometimes i feel like i can't even tell anyone how im really feeling because it feels like no one cares or they're just tired of me ranting all the time. honestly i feel like everyone would be better off without me and that god hates me or smth and i dont deserve to be happy.