i literally have no one to vent to or to help me psychologically

i'm garbage at explaining all by myself, so i guess i'll sew together what's bothering me

so i've not been feeling like doing anything (like studies) for quite a while; other than, i guess, gaming (usually difficult singleplayer games, not to brag) and browsing the nets. and the occassional writing when ideas come in mind.

i feel like shit because i know full well of the consequences that will happen from me not attending to my daily studies 'like i should' but... i just don't care.

and so i decided to vent/talk about it to my maths teacher.

no matter how many times i keep asking him to let me know if he knows a therapist, he keeps avoiding it and keeps pushing the narrative of "go outside and you'll be cured". he even had the gall to (although jokingly i feel like) suggest that i be matched with a girl. yeah, like hell that getting a gf will ever solve all of my fucking problems. incelic drivel.

when i confronted about him completely and willingly - avoiding my requests on getting therapy - he started spouting ignorant shit like how therapists will suggest that "i be taken someplace outside" the moment they hear about me not leaving home for more than seven days. he didn't even know that medicines for mental illnesses existed until i mentioned prozac, zoloft - which westerners take... in which he started saying that apparently westerners are so stressed, they go to the bar every now and then. stereotypes are always nice...

...later on he wants to take me to someplace and i said "i don't feel like it"...then he starts talking about sexist shit like how i'm not wanting to go out with him because he's a man and how i will go out if it was a girl... disregarding the fact that i don't give a fucking damn about a person's gender... he keeps trying to justify it saying that it's "nature's rules" or some other backwards shit. ugh...

this is what happens when you talk about mental health to a religious conservative i guess. no offense to any religious/conservative/either peoples here.

honestly, venting to him about it was the biggest fucking mistake i've done in my entire goddamned life. but then again, who the fuck am i supposed to go to to vent about this shit? i don't know any of the therapists in my place (i'm not a westerner) and all of my friends (ex-friends now) are incapable of handling my "extreme emotions"... one even called me a flat-out "manipulator" just because i lashed out when i was having a bloody crisis... fuck that shit...