i want to get better but it's impossible
This is going to be nothing but a stream of pointless rambling but i really, really need to vent. I don
Hey there @Hydrangea03! *hugs* (if you need and/or want it)
First of all, you do not seem as a horrible person at all, and I am pretty sure you do not deserve it.
Also, this is actually I think this can be a very good first step in a road that may lead up - you never know. I mean, you did open up, and I know that could be pretty hard, so that's pretty awesome of you I think. :)
Your problems may look small, but if they bother you, and keep you down, they are important. You are important! Also, there is no point comparing yourself to others, especially because it can be misleading - most of the people out there (naturally) trying to show there best to others, and keep their bad moments, feeling whatever from themselves. I - for one - do totally believe in you. :)
Also....it is often the hardest to open up and ask help from those who are closest to us, and I think there is nothing wrong with the way you feel, especially if you have got some bad responses before, but I hope this place can really be a new beginning for you, something that you can rely on for support and advice.
As of the problem itself, you mentioned grades, so that would most likely mean that you are attending in some sort of a school, which may have a counseler, or even some teacher you feel better of with could maybe good to start with and give you some help or show you some possible direction in real life.
Anyway, I am glad that you are here, and I am glad that you posted this here, and I really, really hope you will find your way in this sometimes crazy world, even if it takes time, I do believe in you. :)
@redmark thank you sm!!! However we don't have that kind of counselor in school sadly
@Hydrangea03 I am sorry to hear that. The start is usually the hardest bit tho, to find the right person, who will listen to you, and you feel comfortable enough to talk to. I mean, it can be a friend, a more distant relative, or maybe even a teacher, if you have any of them closer to you, however, there is no need to rush with it, just when and if you feel comfortable, in the meantime, I think this place can be good, to just test out the waters, and try to share some details here and there, find a listener or even some sort of a company.
From what I know, it helped me a lot, since this was the place where I could first be open about my own problems, and with the overall good response I have got I have slowly built up some courage to step up, and even try to open up in real life - I mean it is still a work in progress, but this place helped nonetheless.
Of course, I know very well that these things can be different for everyone but I really do hope that you can find some way up, and I totally believe in you, and for one I am here to help, even if it is just through Forum posts like this. :)