my depression story
friendly reminder that i am 12 and it's my real age, not for seeking attention. and please don't judge me for this or tell me to go away from 7cupsbecause of my age because this website is the reason why am i still alive. :)
i was bullied. i was verbally bullied by this girl since grade 5. i attended a competition with her and at that competition, i was bullied by her. she made the teachers to bully me too. i really hate myself for that. i really hate myself because whatever they said to me seemed to be so real. she told me that i was useless. the teachers told me that i better surrender from the competition because icompletely didn't help anything there. worse, my mom defended my bullies. she said that they were right and i shall participate more. my bully is a popular and a well-known student in school as pretty, smart, and ironically 'kind'. i don't know. she acted so good in front of teachers. my mom keep telling me that i should make her (My bully) as a role model because she is confident, clever, and isn't anti-social like i am. i just don't understand why all the bad people get good things? i swear she has a good life. she has a boyfriend, too. she's 12 too, like me, and she HASa boyfriend. The teachers like her, too. nobody knows her bullying on me.
some of my friends one by one left me because every time i try to talk to them i kinda annoy them. since then i talk to nobody anymore because i'm afraid i might annoy them. i can't talk to the counseling teacher too, because i don't feel like adults can help me anymore.
i have tried to kill myself too. i have written a suicide note. i tried to say goodbye to a few of my good friends, but thank God they stopped me.
i am still having my depression for now. my bully is getting liked even more, while i am still alone as heck. and i am dealing with anorexia and eating disorder. i started to get called fat at school. my friends are skinny, i am not. i am ashamed.
besides, my mom does not seem to can accept myself. she forced me to socialize with friends and family members, while i don't like having lots of friends. she forced me to be girlish, while i am a tomboy.
i don't hate her. i don't hate my bully. i hate myself. i hate myself for being unlikable. i hate myself for being fat. for being worthless.
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i guess that's all i want to share. it took me a lot of guts to post, since i am REALLY afraid of being judged (again)...i'm anxious. you can tell me your story too. i hope you have a good life. God bless everyone.:)
First of UR A WONDERFUL PERSON!! Dont let anyone tell u otherwise ~ why hate urself ! For being unlikable ~ am sure there are many things that are SUPER likable about U! Believe me never give up on urslef~ life will go on somehow and u will find better things to look forward to! Talk to me anytime ❤👍
Hey :)
At the beggining I'd like to introduce myself. I'm Klaudia and I'm a listener. If you ever will feel lonely - text me. Two years ago I had a huge depression. I also wanted to kill myself. All my thoughts were about how useless I am, how nobody wants me. I wanted to be like my older sister, who was that smarter and prettier one. Everyone loves her. And nobody was seeing me. One day, I tried to cut my wrists deep, so deep like never before. I wanted to die. But someone found me. And I'm thankful to that person and I'm also thankful for God. Now, I'm praying, talking to him everyday. It helps me, so maybe you should try? Treat him like a friend.
As I said before - I was a human wreck. But I learned how to change my thoughts, silence my inner demons. I told to myself - I can't be perfect. I don't know how to be ideal for my family, friends, teachers. I must be myself, because it's only way to stay honest. I knew that I will be much more depressed when I will be acting like someone else. I will never be popular, superwise or pretty. But I can be...myself. You are a gift of God. You're His child, so you're perfect just the way you are. He gave you a life for some reason. Remember that. You can have a wonderful life - don't listen to bad people. And forgive your mum - she doesn't know your bully. She is blinded now, because she want to give you any role model. But I'm sure she care about you and she loves you.
And now about your age - it's wonderful, that you're here. I'm happy, that you are searching for help. It means that you still wanna live and you still have a spark of hope in yourself. Remember- NOBODY can force you to be someone else. Just be yourself, don't listen to their stupid talking. They don't know you. They have so much hate and anger in themselves.
Don't lose your friends. Talk to them, because friendship is a gift. In the past they accepted you and you became their friend, so I'm sure you don't annoy them now. Don't isolate. You're precious and important.
And what about your appearance? Hey! Beauty is in your heart, in your mind. Don't waste your life for thinking about your look. Don't give your bullies any power to knock you down! Anorexia is wrong, this is a bad thing. It will destroy you, you will lose all of your happiness. Don't think about acceptation of other people. Now they are just cruel kids. You will listen to them now, you will lose your health, and after months they will forget about the words they had said. But you will not have your health anymore. You know negative effect of anorexia? Well, in future you could be infertile. Your teeth might come out. There are other consequences: high blood pressure; high cholesterol levels; heart disease; reduction of bone density (osteoporosis), which results in dry, brittle bones; muscle loss and weakness; dehydration, which can result in kidney failure; fainting, fatigue, and overall weakness; dry hair and skin; hair loss is common; growth of a downy layer of hair called lanugo all over the body, including the face, in an effort to keep the body warm; weak immune system; even epilepsy. Do you really wanna have these problems? Remember my words - the real beauty is inside you.
Don't give up. You will have a great future. You just must be strong and take stairs in your life. Because there is only Stairway to Heaven and Highway to Hell. Which option you will choose? Remember, this is your world. Shape it or someone else will.
I hope you will survive all these bad things. When someone is nasty or treats you poorly, don't take it personally. It says nothing about you, but a lot about them. Remember, one day your bully will pay for what she did to you. We all are brothers - we must take care and spread love, not hate.
Well, I want to sent you poem made my Czeslaw Milosz - polish artist.
You Who Wronged (translated By Richard Lourie)
You who wronged a simple man
Bursting into laughter at the crime,
And kept a pack of fools around you
To mix good and evil, to blur the line,
Though everyone bowed down before you,
Saying virtue and wisdom lit your way,
Striking gold medals in your honor,
Glad to have survived another day,
Do not feel safe. The poet remembers.
You can kill one, but another is born.
The words are written down, the deed, the date.
And you?d have done better with a winter dawn,
A rope, and a branch bowed beneath your weight.
https://www.theladbible.com/articles/man-receives-apology-from-bully-20-years-after-leaving-school <-- read about it
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WC5FdFlUcl0 <--- listen to this
...And NEVER give up! You're a wonderful, kind and mature person. I see it. I hope you will have a great life. You deserve it. I will have my fingers crossed for you and for everybody who is suffering because of bullies. Find strength in yourself, become a warrior. You can handle everything! Take care, my friend <3
Thank you for your really kind words, and thank you for sharing me the poem. I think you're right, and I will try to be myself and don't listen to others.
May God bless:)
I don?t know how to do it anymore. I don?t know how to keep on going the way that I?ve been feeling for so long. Nothing feels right anymore. I?m exhausted all the time. I get cranky so much easier than I used to. I used to be that happy go lucky girl that could take on the world, and not blink an eye about it. But lately, it?s more like I?m the girl who can?t do anything. I am noticing these signs from my body that something isn?t right, but every time I go to the doctors, they say they can?t find anything. I?m getting constant headaches, and I?m throwing up almost every morning (no, I?m not pregnant). I am achey all over most of the time, and I can hardly sleep anymore. Nothing I do seems to help. People say, ?oh it?s you are not eating right?, so I try for a month, and see no difference. So then I?m told it?s because I don?t drink enough water. So again I try, and nothing. Next it was ?you are not exercising enough.? I?m almost 2 months into daily exercise and guess what? NOTHING! I?m still exhausted, I still feel like I have a backpack full of bricks slung across my back all the time, and I still can?t sleep. Every time I get motivated to do better with my life, I start to make progress, and all of a sudden its like there are 20,000 things on my to do list, and no matter how much I get done, it?s never enough. I still missed that one important thing I really should have gotten done. I feel like I?m lazy all the time because I literally have to force myself to get up and do things during the day, but then everything I do seems like it?s not going to make a difference anyways. What are you supposed to do, when nothing you do matters?
i'm sorry to hear that. i know that it psychicallyhurts, because i feel the same too sometimes. my head spins around for no reason, my legs hurt even though i did nothing, and i can't take any breakfasts because i would throw up.
maybe you're stressed, because stress can be one of the factor of some diseases. is there something that is bugging you up? try not to think about it, because your health is what matters. try to do something new, talk to your loved ones, and do your hobbies, it can truly help you. If you find it no use, i think you should go to another doctor? Because it also takes me like 5 doctors until the last one claimed that i'm stressed.
and hey, whatever you do in your life, do it for the best! if you feel like you have no point anymore on doing a thing, think of someone you love. Do it for them, make them happy!
you're strong enough to bear this. May God bless you:)
I am only 11 but i needed to talk to someone so badly! I feel so bad. I think i am worthless and that no one likes me. I wish i could just curl up and die. Nothing makes me feel better. No one seems to understand, or care.
i have struggled on your pain. i know what does it feel like. my depression climax was when i was 11.
i would like to talk to you, but i am not a listener yet. maybe you can talk to a listener? because we all care and love you:)
you matter in this world! God created you for a reason, you're born in part of His plan. It might be hard now, but things will get better.i promise. i care, i really do, and i know there are still LOTS of people whom care about you. you're not worthless, you're really great.
i hope you feel better soon. stay strong. God bless :)
Oh man I honestly know exactly what that's like.. You nearly described my elementary-end of middle school life. Just one girl in total control, taking over all of the people that could possibly help you. More than likely, there's something going on in her life that's causing her to be like that. I'm in no way defending her though. My bully was having really bad family issues, I discovered that, used it against her, and broke her. I regret it though. It's not fun to be the bully. Please, don't make that same mistake. But you need to tell an adult at the school about it or try to tell your parents
you're just 12 and i am really glad to see you here seeking for help. it means you want to overcome your depression and recover!
don't listen to the bully. she's wrong, you aren't useless! you're wonderful. it annoys me so muchthat people are really cruel, why would they do such things to someone amazing like you? you're such a great child, don't ever forget that.You're nothing like what she said, trust me.
my dear, i really hope you a good life. people are just blind; they can't see who GOTbullied and who bullied. i mean, there are also some mean people at my school and i swear they had such good lives. but don't worry, every of us deserve a good life. you do to!
don't make her your role model, because bullying isn't a good thing, you'd probably know that already.
and don't be ashamed of your body! skinny, big, tall, short, white, or black, it does not matter. you are who you're, regardless of your body. what matters is your heart. and eating disorder/anorexia can lead into a lot of diseases likeosteoporosis, dry skin, brittle nails, lanugo, even death.
stay strong and don't give up! God bless:)