really Depressed,! :(

i have suffered from depression and anxiety for years...and i was prescribed drugs for them. and i havent taken drugs all the time, i have been taking them on and off, like i took them properly for a year, and recently i stopped taking them,..cuz i realized that they were giving me sexual side effects, like low libido, and well right now im so depressed of the fact that i took drugs, one reason was the side effects, the other is that i feel like im lying to myself, and to everyone else by taking a drug and bieng happy and normal...cuz the drugs really made my mood better, but its all a lie, it was like i was wearing a mask, and i was totally different person, i just hate myself and my mom for persuading me to take these drugs, i dunno how i can forgive myself for taking them and bieng a totally different person,i was a totally different person for like 1 year, a better happier me, but now that i dont take the drugs, i realize , that it wasnt me at all...my life today would have been totally different if i never took drugs for my depression and anxiety, im obsessed with this, :(