triggering of guilt, mostly venting
So today I went to see the doctor in charge of filling my antidepressant prescription and for once he said something that kind of made me feel really guilty for being depressed. He said that I really should continue talking to the counselor and not feel so low about myself because I am lucky to be where I'm at (which is university). Maybe he was trying go be encouraging but afterwards I beganfeeling a deep shame for even coming to see him for a refill. Of course I think about how lucky I am to get to go to college and am every day thankful for my grandparents financial support,, but really I still can't help that I constantly feel like a piece of crap that wont amount to anything, a feeling that I've had since like 12 years old.
I dunno it just rubbed me the wrong way and I needed to vent about it...I know that he'snot really a counselor but still! As if I don't feel ashamed enough that i even have to take medicine...
Dear @mimameid,
I understand why the doctor's statement made you doubt yourself, but please believe that you have nothing tofeel guilty about. The doctor was suggesting a course of action that would be usefulfor lots of people experiencing depression.The medication can helpa great deal, and therapy can often helppeoplefeel better and better, too.I doubt the physician was implying that you're wrong orungrateful fornot doing moreto recover from the depression.
And as for feeling shame for even using the medication -- (deep sigh). Yeah, I understand that there can be a stigma attached to it. But my feeling is, Thank God and CELEBRATEthat welive in an era where medications are available to help people! I'm SO GRATEFUL peopledon't have to feel melancholy and half-paralyzedand limp through life without joy. We can get help from skilled physicicans and therapists, and live full and balanced lives.
I think the doctor simply wants to help you feel your best and reachyour full potential.You haven't done anything wrong. Your gratitude to your grandparents is beautiful, and you sound like a very conscientious, loving grandaughter. All the best to you.
Remember that depression isn't something that you can turn on and off whenever you want to. It isn't your fault that you are feeling the way that you do, and you don't have to be ashamed of yourself because of your own emotions. We all have them whether we like it or not! And sometimes, no matter how great things can be going for us, we may still wind up feeling depressed; it happens.Your doctor was just suggesting that you talk to a counselor who is more specialized withhandling depression, while lookingat the more positive side of things.
And, just like Annie said, you sound like such a grateful and considerateperson to recognize/appreciate how much your grandparents have done for you. You ARE worth it, remember that!