Birthday letdown
I’m a single mother of a 4 yo who just turned 40 I invited 30 of who I thought were friends who would show up I paid $3000 for a venue and tours and my sister invited 70 people and only 8 people showed up…
prior to having my son I had lots of so called friends and now that I’m a mother I bought a house thinking I can have friends come over instead of invites to places because it may not be kid friendly and I’ve had I small get together and even family is like your house is too small so now I just sit home everyday no visits only calls from my sister and her 1 year old and my friend Kevin …I’m losing this battle fast…my depression is at an all time high especially since my kids father is MIA after he said he wanted kids by me so there’s that. And at 40 I’m like man nobody is going to want to deal with a 4 year old with autism he’s a great kid…but I get it at 40 who wants small kids my kid was unexpected do to the fact that I was told I couldn’t have kids. He’s all I’m living for at the moment but idk how long that’s going to last!
Honey, try to keep the focus on the good things in your life. Let go of what is no longer there. You have a special personal path in this world. It seems to me that you are holding on to the old, but perhaps you need to sit down and accept what is happening. It may require your tears, but they will be healing. There is light behind the darkness. The bright sun is shining behind the overcast sky. Please don't feel lonely. I read you and tell you - you are not alone, I understand your pain and anxiety. Try to create the meaning of life for yourself, children come and live their lives, having a child as the meaning of life can be a little selfish, sorry for some rudeness. I want to wish you to find a new center of your attention, for example, to make yourself happy, to find a way to your happiness. With a happy mom, any child will be happy, thus making yourself happier, you will make as many as two people happy. Try to take a pen and make a plan how you can achieve this. You will really succeed, I believe in you, please believe you too. If you need to be sad, please live this sadness, it won't last forever, just give it a place. There is always a smile behind the tears. Smile at the fact that you have a baby, that you are alive, that you breathe, you can walk, you can think, these are the significant "little things" that we forget. This is really a big reason to smile, many people really want to have what you already have. Lean on what you have and try to stand up with a straight back, tell the world that you want to be happy and act. Hugging you and your baby
@himydear you misunderstood me, I didn't have a child to better my life he was unexpected. I already understood that a child is another human to raise and take care of another financial strain and I didn't want to have one without a significant other to help as well. I love my kid but the added stress it a whole other level. and when i said he's the only think i have left to live for i mean nobody is going to treat him like I do to ensure his life is quality. I was told i could not have kids. I'm not holding on to the past this happened recently this only happened at the time a month ago where only 8 people showed up my birthday is in November. i understand you're trying to help but it didn't. the struggles i go through for this kid is another stress on top of the stress I'm already going through AND i was laid off recently so no what i should go and smell some roses and do yoga to make it better?! being able to walk and talk and breath is pointless if the quality of your mental health is in the trash, and you have to keep going I don't show my kid my sadness I cannot live in my sadness my mom did that and my childhood sucked. so there's that too
I can feel your pain. I am sorry that it is such a struggle right now. But nothing is permanent. What kinds of things are you doing to care for yourself?@BeautifulLetdown
@bestVase7265 i don't have time to care for myself I fighting to get services for my kid he 5 now and can't even have a conversation with me got laid off so now i have to get government help which is another headache they approved me for $90 food stamps and enough money to pay my bills thats it. so now i have to find food shelfs to visit for food.
It sounds like things are really hard right now. What kinds of other groups are you reaching out to for assistance? You deserve to have food and a roof over your head. Start with the basics. Feel free to come here and vent any time. @BeautifulLetdown
How have things been going for you? @BeautifulLetdown
@bestVase7265
the same! I’m still struggling with finances emotions my body everything life
Well, I am here as a space to vent any time that you want. No judgement. How are you doing with your son? What kinds of things are you most worried about right now?@BeautifulLetdown
Mostly finances the business I tried to start is a heavy burden it’s failing so bad and I’m trying to save it but it’s just not working out! This was supposed to be something I could leave behind or at least gain financial freedoms and have some left over for my son he’s autistic and I don’t know how self sustaining he’ll be when he’s older on top of that I’m always alone I’m 42 soon to be 43 and I’m not married or even dating there are zero people looking my way and the ones who did didn’t last they didn’t end badly they just kind of dissolved but those men are either married or have kids and are still with the mother living comfortably I just feel like everything I’ve tried has failed I always get so far then Hit a brick wall I’ve self analyzed so much and I just can’t see where I’m falling short I mean I worked out lost 50 lbs let my hair grow cut it changed the color dated I even tried the polyamorous dating and I’m still left behind what am I doing wrong I’m starting to thing my personality is trash boring super mid or non existent because nobody wants me and all of my life I really just wanted to be loved by someone but now I’ve got other problems piling up and I just can’t get a head at this point I feel like I’m just clearing through life grabbing onto anything I can to stay afloat with my son on my shoulders so he doesn’t realize I’m drowning and I’m so close to just letting go but I’m only holding on for him he’s got to make it you know but I’m just so unhappy I e tried positive reinforcement with myself but what does it add up to what are the things that show my reinforcements are the truth maybe god made me just for his sake and that’s it cause there’s nothing else
You can start with what you have - your love for your son. That is your bottom line and there is strength in that. It is what keeps you going, your foundation.
Focusing on your lack of a spouse or partner is probably going to keep you in the hole longer. Figue out how to love yourself first. Then the other stuff will start to fall into place.
Can you create a list of things that you like about yourself? It can be short. It can be kindness you show to others, talents you have, things you enjoy doing, or physical attributes. Then share it here. We can find ways to build from that.
Also remember to keep doing the physical basics - eating properly and drinking enough liquids.
I am here to cheer you onwards. You can find a path forward. I will be here once a day every day for as long as you need.@BeautifulLetdown
First thank you! I know dealing with depressed people can be draining 😊
today I feel….ok I think I’m on the edge of ok like just entering the ok status of that makes any sense. I will focus on my sons happiness and try to gain the motivation to go outside more with him to places he likes. I mean I’ve done this but I’ve been slacking recently. He’s definitely what keeps me going.
the reason I focus on being alone so much is because I feel unloved always have. I know now my mom loves me and that helped for a while. But then there are times where I feel maybe that’s what I want to believe and it’s not true. Aside from that there have been many times I’ve tried and failed so I feel like ok something about me is keeping people away maybe they can sense my depression.
i don’t dislike myself as much as I did in the past. But I can revisit that idea.
ill try to incorporate the physical stuff again I don’t go to a gym anymore because I can’t afford it but that can be included with the getting out more and I still eat pretty good I’m just stagnant when it come to physical basics well after work that is! My job can be the exercise some days!
I am glad that you feel like you are headed towards an okay phase. Those are so much better than being down in the ditch with it all.
It is great that you want to get outside with your son. I know for me getting outside has been transformative. Once I started doing it every day without fail even the bad days didn't last quite as long.
I know how unloveable depression makes you feel, but your brain is doing that nasty lying when you start thinking that people can somehow tell you are depressed and thus keep away from you. That's not how it works. We all hide our depression because of the stigma attached and few people ever tell anything. They are too caught up in their own lives.
I think that's the biggest problem in the world today and why you are struggling to find a foothold in the relationship world - the internet is keeping us too attached to technology to actually see the people around us. So you have to do other things to make connections. Maybe it is a club for a hobby or a reading group or a bunch of people who exercise together. Those are where you make friendships now.
It can still happen but you have to work at it harder. But there is NOTHING wrong with you.
@BeautifulLetdown
Just letting you know that I am thinking about you and hoping you are continuing to do okay. @BeautifulLetdown
😊 I’m better today a few weeks ago I took my son to the circus and he had a ball! I was happy! I was struggling to get up SMS go that day but I said my son needs to experience this so I went and I’m happy I did!
The days after have been tough but I’m doing ok still. For now so I’m just going to focus on how I’m doing now, and hopefully that will hold me until hopefully my finances get better!
I’m thinking of something I like about myself and I guess I like my eyes and my lips
For now I’m still ok and I guess that’s a good thing!
I think that's one of the weirdest things about depression. It took me a long time to realize that it was less about redirecting my thoughts and more about physically doing stuff and then the pain would start to lessen a little. Or at least it became more manageable.
I am glad that you are feeling a little better. Every ounce of "ok" is a victory. Keep reminding yourself of that.
The circus sounds awesome!
I am also really happy that you are thinking about what you like about yourself. I bet there are good physical attributes but also good emotional ones like your persistence and your kindness.
😊 thank you but I’m quite out of shape at the moment! although I don’t quite look at is as a bad thing because it is something that I can change once I get the energy.
Persistence I guess I am persistent given I don’t feel like I have a choice in the matter because I have a son but… yeah I guess lol.
I have been thinking about my emotions and why they are so extreme and what causes the mood changes I’m at a loss for now but I’ve been thinking about asking my doctor about it. I’m just afraid that somehow something may happen and they may take my son saying I’m not mentally stable maybe I watch to many movies. I’m also older so that’s what it was back in the day I want to appear solid you know but I know I need something! This last downward spiral was sever even to me and I’ve been depressed for a while I’m kind of scared honestly but I don’t think about it…active avoidance I guess… to keep me in the now
By physically doing things, I didn't mean exercise (though that's great to do). I was just talking about doing something like going to the circus or out to the playground or even having a nice bath or listening to music versus trying to control thoughts. That trying to direct what I was thinking stuff never seemed to work.
I do love the idea of talking to a doctor. It took me a bit of courage to go as well, but it really helped eventually. Remember what depression is in part based in - brain chemicals that are out of whack. Those can be based in hormones or be situational. But you are no worse a person and no less competent for needing some help in that regard. Actually most doctors will see your admitting you are struggling as a sign of wanting to change things to make them better for your son. @BeautifulLetdown