It's consuming Me
I have been lonely for 4 years now. It started when me and my friends started changing. Fast forward two years and I didn't even know where they were at lunch. Last year, I went to a new school. At first I was excited, thinking my loneliness was at an end and I would make new friends. I tried. I really did. But unlike everyone else, I failed. By the time the year was half over, I was reading books in between class so I wasn't 100% surrounded by everyone and their million friends. Of course, if someone actually talked to me, I would at least try to have conversation with them. They would ask me questions to start a conversation (ex. What book are you reading? How many siblings do you have?) and I'd try to respond, but ultimately failing by giving the shortest answer instead of expanding on it. I would try, but I couldn't figure out how in the moment due to my shyness.
Last year was was the worst year yet because I didn't even have the friends that ditched me the year before.
I honestly wonder if I could ever make friends. I'm paranoid, have major trust issues and I'm super shy. You may say "you made friends before so you can do it again!" Well, you'd be wrong. That was... 9 years ago? And I've changed so much there's just no way I could just use that strategy again.
The loneliness is consuming me and there's absolutely nothing I can do. Next year is with the same people who all have developed friendships with each other.
@Lonelinessisforever That sounds so difficult. I can't imagine the pain that you're going through.
I know you said that you don't think strategies will work, and I'm not going to try to change your mind, it's not my place to do that, but I do want to impress on you that you are not alone and there are people out there who would like to listen to you and maybe even be friends with you.
@MissyMinx
thanks.
@Lonelinessisforever
I am wondering how you think you have changed over the years?
And is shyness the thing that you think seems to keep you from making friends?
Please only answer if you want to. :)
@MissyMinx
My interests have changed since then and my personality too I suppose. When I made my old friends I was little and just said the first thing that came to mind (which somehow led to a rather intresting "first impression story" lol).
And yeah, I think it's because of my shyness that I always freeze up and can't find anything to say but the bare minimum.
@Lonelinessisforever
omg I was in the same situation as you last year. During my college internship, I felt so distant from everyone because I had to work till midnight while everyone was posting pics and videos of them meeting and hanging out for dinner. And then I thought University would change and be a do-over, but first day of school, I find out that half the class knew each other already. I tend to do the same as you, reply straightforwardly. I usually ask them the same question back for a bit, but it doesn't last long. And I also tend to wait for another person to take the initiative.
Just my opinion, I think you could try to make some online friends too, if it's hard to do so irl. It does help to fill the void of loneliness. And honestly, for me, I think I'm way closer to my online friends than people irl. And hey, if you need an online friend, I'm here :)
I'm still having troubles trying to figure out why I'm so socially awkward now, but, I think one quick way I bond with people is when we have to work together in groups, or even just school stuff. (My first convo with one of them was me asking her to send me some notes cos my phone was lagging (like we take pics of the presentation slides), and we ended up becoming friends later.)And it's definitely intimidating to approach people in big groups, so maybe approach a small group of friends and try to talk to one of them. Start off about school work stuff, maybe, then maybe you'll find out that you have something else in common.
I truly wish you'll be able to get through this, cos I know what it feels like. My inbox is open any time if you need to talk, eh? :)
@KSWQueen
Thanks.
@Lonelinessisforever
I wonder did you like to be alone.. Cause if you didn't, you should tried to throw away the shyness so that you can find some friends..
