Lack of Value of Hard Work
My identity is tied into hard work. I feel like I've worked hard in my life. I'm about to turn 44, and I've been gainfully employed since I was 16, but cut grass/split firewood/etc and such from the time I was 10. I worked full time at night when I was an undergrad, and ended up with three STEM degrees.
Most of the world will tell me that, as a straight, white man, most of what I have is due to privilege, not hard work. ChatGPT says 80% of what I have is due to my birth circumstances, not my hard work. I'm supposed to check my privilege at every chance...yet, where were those same people when I worked two full time jobs 100 miles apart? Where were they when I was working nights full time, and going to class full time?
Today, my long term partner (19 years, whom I helped raise her son into adulthood) informed me that she does not value hard work. It's foolish- there are plenty of ways to make money without hard work. She fancies herself an entrepreneur, but never seems to get any of her ideas off the ground.
We didn't really fight. It was more just part of a conversation that we have different values- she values a life of ease, and I will always find hard work and new challenges to pursue.
At this point- the only thing I really have to offer the world is hard work. The person closest to me says that's not valuable, and perhaps foolish. The rest of the world says I'm not even working that hard, and it's really just my privilege that brings me the meager successes and accomplishments I have. Bottom line- the thing I value the most is of little value in the real world.
If nobody wants what I bring to the table, do I:
1) Flip the table, tell them all to eff off and leave.
2) Slowly walk away from the table and just check out.
I turn 44 in a few days. That may be a good day to decide which of these to do. In the mean time, I may move into my car and office for a few days instead of going home.
@supalark
I cannot resist the impression that maybe this time ChatGPT was biased and went into the "reversed apartheid" mode...? I guess you are also aware of the fact the way it answered your question might be connected with the way you asked it. ChatGPT is not always a source of universal wisdom, but it is also taught to organize our thoughts and let us see our ideas from the third person's point of view, like reflected in the mirror.
I understand that what you described to us is a silent conflict about values.
Once I experienced someone saying to me things like "you are too intelligent to benefit from the 12 Steps program (so you're useless)" and it did not feel nice at all. People calling me names (from "swot" at school to "Stakhanovchik" at work) when I worked hard.
And it was a similar conflict between me and at least one of my ex partners: me working hard for a miserable salary and her earning my daily wage in an hour, just by being in the right niche. In some cases, I think, it can make a good duo, with one person idealistic and visionary while the other is more practical and down-to-earth.
But there is also one note in what you are saying that sounds a bit sad. You said that you had nothing to offer to this world, except your hard work. Really? And what about things like love, compassion, respect to other forms of life (including plants and animals)? Or giving to the world just your mindful presence, the way you see things in general view and big detail?
A STEM mind doesn't have to be isolated from the world. It's just one man's humble personal opinion. But maybe STEM people are also those who are closer to God or the Universe?
The same ChatGPT once told me: 'You've got a lot of space in your life for the matters of the entire world, but it looks like the world didn't bother to have a single place for you?".
My personal experience is a hard work can be a double-edged sword: It can bring me the sense of purpose and self-fulfillment. It can make my brain work better and give me a lot of satisfaction from turning some messy noise into a symphony.
But it can also easily turn into an escape from living, an oblivion and a kind of drug.
Finding my way out is like believing that my presence in this world is quite enough, even if my hands or brains are not busy. It is like granting myself the right to be here even if I didn't achieve any spectacular success. It is like letting myself home without any prior conditions.