Lonely, but don’t have energy for friends
I feel incredibly lonely, but the thought of making and maintaining friendships sounds very hard and exhausting. I think I just want to feel like I belong somewhere. I feel like I wear a mask with everyone.
I have a few acquaintances I’ve made, and in general spending time with them is alright, but I just don’t feel that close with them.
My family situation is odd, my parents are narcissists and prefer my sibling, it’s very obvious to even strangers. So I think I just always have a baseline feeling of unloved/unwanted.
@shyPenny5403
I'm so sorry Penny, I can imagine your situation. Do you mean it's obvious to strangers that your parents are narcissistic?
My parents aren't narcissists, though mom has strong narcissistic traits, and I feel unlovable too. Maybe in some lesser degree than you.
I wonder what to say to you about feeling lovable. It's true that you are lovable just for existing. You are lovable not because you are one of those worthy people, but because we all are. We all are lovable because we all are made of the same material, just spread in different bodies. But how to feel lovable? If I think about it, I feel like it will take some time. And it won't be like a switch flipping, it will be a gradual change over time.
Right now you have taken the step to reach out and talk about it. This means you are already on the path of loving yourself, you already feel like you are worthy of love, even though it's not as much as you would like to feel. And after step by step you would see your love for yourself is accumulating. After some time by doing little things for yourself, you'll see you've grown to love yourself much more than before. And gradually you're meeting people where you can take your mask off, where you'll be allowed to be yourself, just like others will be allowed to be themselves. Your positive qualities will be valued and your journey for growth will be appreciated.
I understand the desire to belong somewhere, I too feel it a lot recently after experiencing some loss. I self soothe during that time, deep breathing, journaling, yoga, walk outside looking at trees, music, watching good comedy shows or other series, watering plants, etc. help me navigate the pain. It took time to see them work.
So you could try to self soothe too, when you feel like you don't belong, and you crave friendship. And you could talk about your day or your problems here in 7cups during the time when you haven't found friends yet.
This is how I imagine it. It won't happen overnight, but it will happen. And life will help you in the meantime, many good things will happen step by step that will help you keep going.
I can't tell when you'll find friends, it may happen anytime. But you can take care of yourself in the meantime. I really appreciate you reaching out here, hope my response was helpful. I expressed my vision to find friends, hope it helps you with your situation.
@seashell145
I forgot to mention in the response earlier, I hope you feel that I am sending you love. I really like the way you have articulated your situation and how you feel. It was really easy to read and it made sense. You have the awareness and the ability to express it. I wish I could be your that friend right now, but I feel like I wear masks too and am waiting for a break.
I asked myself how to love people? I feel like I am still on the journey to learn it. But know that I love how you wrote the post, and I could relate some parts, and some parts I could imagine how you felt. You are lovable, just in a bad situation but you are lovable.
You aren't unwanted or unloved here.
You might want to just start building friendships here to gain some practice and confidence.
You deserve not to be lonely. @shyPenny5403