Lonliness

I won't kid anyone. My 'sexual' fantasies have been reduced to imagining I'm being held, having my hair stroked, and being told that I am 'good' or deserving.

How pathetic is that? I am 50 year old man. I should be looking at porn. ​

All joking aside, my wife is addicted to Second Life. I am essentially a single father to two, yet I have to be second guessed.

For the longest time I put myself 'last' and worried most about how my wife could be ignoring our children. This, of course, remains to be true.

What about me? I'm not looking for much. I'm not even looking for sex. (Age happens my friends, Medications have side effects. The formal 'act' is not as important as people make it out to be.)

I am a reader & a writer 'by birth'. Both solitary endeavors. I am a teacher for a living; again a very solitary position. I work on pretty high end encryption for companies & individuals (think long algorithims) and pouring of computer code to see if security protocols are in place. On the odd occasion I'll visit a work site (as a consultant). I'm usually not spoken to as an 'outsider' and the 'guy' that tells the company to disable USB ports, make strong passwords mandatory…

I am a lonely soul.

The pain is practically unbearable and there seems to be no relief in sight.

My wife refuses any therapy. She refuses to see that anything is wrong.

I'm just venting. There are no answers.