Losing someone

I hate myself for not doing the best that I can on those times that my grandmother are still here. I can't even forgive myself for not caring, loving, and talking to her when she was still here. My grandmother died not experiencing the full range of love and care. I always think that she died with madness and anger to us. I always think like that and I cant live peacefully. 2 weeks after her burial, until now I live with full of regrets and always feel guilty about what happened.