TW: Suicidal ideation
i don't think there will be many people attending my funeral. it's pretty much a rite of passage for someone who doesn't go out and speak to anyone. i don't try very hard to be likable because it's an exhausting endeavour to get people to like a version of you that doesn't really exist. the friends i had before don't really talk to me anymore, which is my own fault for growing distant. not even my family likes me that much. i feel like some people dislike me for how i'm always sitting around and not even try at my life. i would take some steps like going to therapy, going to career counseling, and using friendship apps like Meetup, but it all goes down the drain when i can't find any meaning in it. it's all wasted effort when i can't get myself to stop doomscrolling and do something productive instead. it's all meaningless if i still can't get anyone to care. so why try? why try when i sit here and waste my life? do i deserve a life? to the little people that do still speak to me, i hope you don't miss me too much. i never had anything somebody would miss. it won't be today, but someday, i'll be brave enough to leave.
@balsamicvin3gar
I'm sorry to hear everything has fell apart on your end..
I know this feeling of being isolated well.. it has happened many times and it hurts..
I hope you continue to search out your people, their out there somewhere..
Prioritizing your life should be a solid focus in your life..🌲
@balsamicvin3gar You deserve your life, I promise you that 💙
A lot of what you described is familiar to me, I used to feel the same way often 😞 but I'm hopeful things will heal with time, you're not condemned to be alone forever, even if it feels that was sometimes 💙
I hope you can find a bit of solace here in cups 💙 maybe try talking with a listener or in the chatrooms? Could help with the loneliness 🙂
@balsamicvin3gar
Your thoughts sound very familiar.
I feel like there is something.
Like, that it’s possible to create the meaning.
It still seems pretty illusive to me and difficult to capture with words.
It’s like maybe the meaning can’t be found outside. Like, maybe, it needs to be discovered or build inside.
I imagine that those words must sound as empty as any other ones… well, I try to remember a hug that was special for me. It’s what helps me to reconnect with a sense that there is some meaning.
Any thoughts?