Taking too long to heal

I've had a pretty rough few years. I'm really tired of talking about it, honestly. The short story is that I was in an emotionally abusive relationship during the slow, unexpected death of my sibling. It's been three years since all that happened. My abusive ex got married less than a year after they threw me out like old garbage. They begged me to put my faith in them and when I actually needed them, they didn't care. They were very big into projecting their issues onto me. They once told me I "manipulated them into wanting a relationship." I'm still so hallow. I still don't understand why they couldn't have just left me alone when I asked. Now I know I need to try to date again, I've been really lonely and I've done as much of the individual work as I can to move on, but I dont feel much for anyone. I have every expectation that I'll get played again in all the worst possible ways, so I just expect the worst from people. I have worked so hard to rebuild my self worth but even that depends on the daily. I dont know what to do.