When the clock ticking is your companion.

I have an incredibly difficult time with loneliness. I have been in and out of relationships since the age of 13, got married at 23 with the hope to never again be lonely, going through a divorce now because that is what happens when you marry for security instead of rooted love and here I am...32 years old, sitting in my apartment alone, listening to every tick of the clock...every second reminding me of missed affection, missed closeness, missed intimacy...just wanting a hug, a kiss, to be held.....and the ever present fear of being alone the rest of my life. Who is going to want a divorced mother of 2 who works like crazy and has mental health illnesses? I am trying so hard to be single for one year. To avoid any kind of committed relationship...I have been away from my ex-husband for 4 months now...literally, that is the longest I have ever been single. I want to stick with my goal and allow my counseling to bring me to a place where I am secure in who I am, what I want and what I can give another person. The loneliness though, overrides that...breaks through in waves of depression and sadness that I cannot control. So difficult! Very much want to conquer it!

Sarai