it’s driving me insane.
hi, emily here. i’m 14 and i’m honestly going insane. around my parents i pretend i’m someone i’m not, and i’m scared i’m going to forget who i actually am. around them…i pretend i’m straight i pretend i haven’t had suicidal thoughts i pretend i don’t self harm i pretend i don’t have social anxiety i pretend i don’t have separation anxiety i pretend i’m not in love with billie eilish i pretend billie eilish didn’t save my life a thousand times i pretend i can sleep without being scared and i pretend i’m not going insane. I KEEP PRETENDING INSTEAD OF DOING WHAT MAKES ME FEEL GOOD AND WHAT MAKES ME HAPPY AND EXCITED AND ITS MAKING ME GO INSANE PLEASE HELP ME. i’m scared i’m going to forget who i am.
You’re not going to forget who you are. During teenage years our identity is pretty fluid so we are not really sure who we are while we figure things out. There’s a lot going on in your post, but I’d say try to find ways to talk to your parents about what’s been going on with you, especially if you’re self harming, feeling depressed, and having thoughts of suicide. A lot of the things you talked about are often experienced in teenage years, like social anxiety, and is normal for the most part. But self harming etc is not. Please talk to your parents when you feel up to it. These things need to be worked out with a safe and caring adult. And finally, you’re not going to forget who you are. I have a persona for my work, another with friends, another with family, etc. But I haven’t forgotten who I really am. I really don’t think you will either. Try to take it easy with yourself, and please talk to a trusted adult (preferably a parent). Take care.
Thank you, I’m super scared to talk to my parents. I really want to but I’m really scared to tell the how I feel. And yeah I know I just hate pretending to be someone I’m not. You know? I will try my best, thank you again. Love, Emily <33
I understand. I used to feel scared of sharing my emotions with others before. I was scared of being labeled as “different.” Now I know that no one is different for feeling a certain way, because at one point or another, everyone feels like that. Parents are (generally speaking) the best adults to talk to because they love you a lot, know you well, and want what’s best for you. These things are important. And yea, our culture doesn’t really encourage opening up about our feelings. But what good does that do to anyone? Not a lot. So, if you have a good relationship with your parents in general, this is one of the best things you can do. It’ll help set the stage for the future as well, when you’ll need to be able to talk about other life issues as you get older. And yea, I know about hating to pretend to be a certain way. Go slow and use good, common sense as you figure things out. This may be a little bit long term for you as you figure out how to show up in the world as your authentic self, while also learning about social norms etc. I’ve been through this too. I embrace my personality now. You’ll be okay I believe (God willing). Start with talking to your parents. Lots of love to you too.
thank you so much. love to you too. i’ll try talking to them when i’m comfortable
Hi Emily thank you for sharing. I know it’s not easy sharing our thoughts and feelings, but I think you are making progress by sharing with us here. I can relate to you because I was going through similar things when I was 14. Relationships with our parents can be difficult, so I hope you can find people that will listen to you and give you advice (try talking to a listener here if you can!). Figuring out your identity isn’t easy and that’s okay. You don’t have to figure yourself out in one day, you can take your time and take small steps. Remember you are loved and are worthy of love. I wish you the best!
that made me smile so much thank you for taking time to post here.
I was going through similar with my parents at your age. I self harmed alot and hid it from them and when they found out the told me I was faking it with markers. I pretended i was happy and that I didn't have an ED bcus they would jusy scream at me if I had somthing wrong. I'm 22 and still don't even know if I'm really straight or not bcus I'm scared to not be "normal" to them. Long story short I can't talk to my parents about who I really am either and have to act different or they become angry with me! I eventually got to talk to a therapist and that sort of helped so I recommend that if at all possible! Iknow it seems like a long time away from now but eventually you won't be in their house anymore and it will get better. I am here for you and we are all here for you if you need to talk ♥️ Try to get out of your house as much as you can and find ppl you can be yourself around! Ik it's easier said than done but you got this!
thank you. i’m sorry you went through that. i hope it gets better :)
