so incredibly lonely, scare I will always feel this way
Hi, this will probably end up being a long post, but I just need to rant and get some things off my chest.. I am a college student. Throughout most of my life I have dealt with depression and anxiety. I was always shy but it got worse and worse as I grew older. In high school I was pretty isolated and was only hanging out with one friend group, but I thought that in college things would get better and I would become more social. I was determined to push myself to be more social and make friends. At the beginning of college, I made a few friends that lived in the dorms (I live at home) so I got to go to the housing and hang out. It was great at first but I soon started to isolate myself again. It's like... I felt unwanted. Besides that, my mom is really strict and controlling and would try to not let me spend a lot of time ith my new friends. Anyways, some of the friends I made freshmen year moved away and I felt alone again. Now, junior year, and I still feel so very lonely. I have made a few friends but none that are really close. I ask people to hang out and stuff but they are always busy or something. It really takes a toll on my self esteem when I feel like no one wants to spend time with me, Sometimes I go home on Friday and no one talks to me all weekend. I tried to go to parties and stuff last year but it was usually really overwhelming socially and I felt worse after I got home...like I had tried so hard but had been defeated. I just sit at home do school work all by myself. I have such big hopes and dreams for the future, and I know that my life does not depend on others, but I mean, I want someone to experience life with me!! I by no means sit at home all day by myself, I often get out and do things, go to museums, shops, restaurants, I even traveled to a concert by myself, and I have fun. but i am LONELY. I like the person that I am but i feel like no one ever sees it because I am so quiet. NO ONE knows who I am inside. They just see this quiet girl that never talks. I try so hard everyday but even if i do make conversation, it never goes anywhere and all my relationships dissolve. Romanitically, I have had a few flings but they all end because i am too shy to keep going. I have been taken advantage of in the past which lowered my self esteem even more. I want to do so many things and travel the world but I do not want to be lonely for the rest of my life. I thought that eventually, things would get better but I am still so lonely with no real prospects on friendships or relationships so I do not know where to go from here. I feel like realistically, things could go on like this forever. I need help. :(
I'm really sorry to hear you that you feel like this! I know things can be tough especially when anxiety can make going to social situations hard! Have you tried the depression and anxiety self help guides here on 7 cups? And please feel free to message me anytime to talk things through I am more than happy to listen!
Aww. Your story is so similar to mine. I'm 52 now. I'm still mostly living an isolated life and while friends and folly are something to do, it can also be a source of more problems than just going it alone is. I was married for only a few years. I've been single for the rest of it. Because I had time to myself to think, I am now writing my research proposal for my PhD. I guess we must view each misfortune from the other side and observe the opportunities it also affords us. I felt that what I had to say and offer was of interest to no one until I found real friends in the Social Justice/Labor movement and also with Bikers. It was amazing to me that total strangers embraced me, befriended me, and welcomed me immediately. That ended my lonely streak so now I go to biker rallies, attend activist events, travel to conferences, and just went to Palestine/Israel for a week in September to show some love to workers living under occupation and mean violence at the hands of Israelis. I guess what I'm trying to say is that the general public is under-impressive in their social and thought processes and so unable to connect in real ways no matter who they come across. People who dive into any type of social activism are first of all doing something to help others, so they are naturally open, friendly, and not all wrapped up in themselves. The bikers are also just friendly, looking to have a good time, and wanting to make friends. I'd suggest you get your camping gear together, get yourself to some A.B.A.T.E. (American Bikers Aimed Toward Education) events, check out aflcio.org and try to get involved in organizing. You will be amazed and will come to understand that you have sooooo many friends just waiting to meet you! I'm absolutely certain you are a prize that people can appreciate, you just have to find the right people! PEACE and LOVE!!!
@aaalovesigns Sending positive thoughts both of your way :-) Thanks for sharing.
thank you, everyone for the kind responses! i hope to get into some sort of therapy soon and get a better handle on my anxiety. hopefullyi can take it one step at a time and get out there in the world more!!
