Do I have depression? Too afraid to get help, too afraid not to get help.
I don't really remember a time in my life that I didn't hate the way I look or act. It has always been a part of me, ya know, that little voice (figuratively speaking) in the back of my head telling me, "That guy would never give you the light of day, I mean look at you" or "Do you really need to eat that second cookie?" I have gotten used to it, though.I find myself looking in the mirror and feeling complete disgust for everything I see, and at the same time wondering how I have any friends knowing that I look like that. I wonder how anyone could stand to look at me and actually find it to be pleasurable to hangout.
I have also noticed I eat a lot more lately, more than even just a couple months ago. I don't consciously think "I'm hungry so I'mgonnago eat some food." It's more like, "Oh wow, I'm eating some chips when I just had a granola bar and a hamburger, and some candy." Before I know it, I feel so full that I can't move and I feel like complete garbage, but it's like I can't stop.
Over the last few months, these thoughts and feelingshave progressively been getting worse. I find myself staying up until 3 or 4 in the morning and only getting four hours of sleep. It's not that I can't sleep, it's that I consciously keep working on homework that isn't due for another week, or I watch YouTube videos, one after another, until I literally can't keep my eyes open. I don't really know why I do this to myself.
Then there's school. I am taking college classes while still in high school and I feel like I'm too stupid to succeed. This is my second to last quarter before I can graduate with my AA, but I feel like there isn't anything I can do to get perfect grades, which is what I want . . . what I need. I failed a test the other day and I felt like I should just end my life right then and there. I felt like such a disappointment to me, my mom, my teachers, even the universities that have accepted me into their programs.
The problem is that I know I have a problem. I know I should be getting some kind of treatment, but I'm afraid to talk to my mom about it. What if she thinks I'm damaged? Or worse, what if I am damaged?
It's important to state that we cannot diagnose you here, because we're not trained to do that. So we can't say if you have clinical depression or not.
It sounds, though, that you are dealing with a lot at the moment. Reaching out for help is very important, it is highly recommended that you work out on getting help. Sometimes, we just cannot handle our feelings by our own. You are not a damaged person, you are a person who is dealing with a lot. You are feeling overwhelmed and you are not damaged because of it. You can deal with this if you get the right kind of help.
Wish you the best on this :)
Okay so the past few days have been some of the best I have had since I became depressed 2 years ago. The thing I realized is that I was depressed because I was trying to be someone that I was not. Now I have realized that if I be myself I am perfect just that way. I don't need to be anyone else. I need to be myself. Please try this. Be more positive towards yourself. You realizing you have a problem is a big plus, because you want to change it. I believe in you. You are amazing and you are worth it.
I would also recommend getting a therapist because you need to have someone who can help you slowly get through this.
Forget it. I am miserable again. Screw this crap. I'm too far past repair.
No dear, you just have very low self-esteem and very low expectations of yourself - which is wrong! To be in pre-college courses is awesome! You're preparing for an ultimate future. But for some reason you think you are nothing ...? Why? My mother always did and still does criticizes me which hurt me as a teen/young adult. Nothing was ever good enough. If that is your case .. Ignore it. She was trying to live her life through me b/c she made so many mistakes. This is why my mother and I are not very close. But as for you, you have soooo many opportunities! Don't let them walk right past you! A therapist isn't going to stop a university to accept you! You need to accept yourself and know that you are a great and beautiful person, inside and out. :)
