Good ways to avoid overwhelming loved ones?

@helloMelon7132 I have the same problem. I never realized what a big toll it took on my friends and family, and it inadvertently led to me putting more pressure on myself. I felt like I had to get better, or pretend I was better, so that my people wouldn't be so affected or worried by it.

I don't have any solutions, but what I can say is that talking about it with them helps. When I started talking to my mom about how I didn't want to reach out anymore because my mental illnesses were hurting her, it helped a lot. Having a better dialogue about it made it easier to establish boundaries, and it let them talk about how they felt as well. Along the same lines, family therapy helped a lot. Getting them involved in the process more, letting them talk about how it was affecting them, all of that made it easier for me.

Oh, I do have this issue. Problem is, most of my childhood traumas were exacly about the supposed devastating effect I had on others, just by... doing nothing... or trying to do something they asked me, or something I had to do, or that I wanted to do, or for needing something, or not doing something I should have, or even by just being in the same room with others. Sooooo obviously when I feel down, I feel like a deadly threat to others, I feel like they'll NEVER be able to handle the stress of knowing what's really inside my head, and I don't know how far this actually is from reality. The only 2 times I tried to open up a bit, my then best friend hurt me even more, and my partner decided he wanted to leave me without saying anything to me, but he couldn't, so what he basically did was stop talking to me for 3 weeks, during which he acted as if I wasen't even in his same house, as if I didn't exist, except for walking out as I entered his same room. Then he decided not to leave me, and started drinking, smoking, acting out, talking about suicide and accusìng me I had brought him to that point. My paranoia over making people become crazy and baing a deadly threat skyrocketed, and now I never say to anyone what's really crossing my mind. When I feel too down to pretend, I isolate.
I have to say, with time and talking about it, and with a lot of constant effort, my boyfriend learned how to support me, but it's hard for him, I know, and when I'm really down I never tell him all the truth about HOW down I truly am.
Sometimes I would really like to scream out all what I felt, all what crossed my mind, all what i did to myself, 'cause there's plenty of people telling me that they can handle it, that they won't get worried, that I can talk to them, that I don't have to isolate and that I can be an open book, and I would need it so much, and telling me I can open up when I know I can't, it's like putting a delicious fake plastic meal in front of a starving person, it hurts. And it's so hard to resist

Hi @helloMelon7132,

Someone gave me good advice on a different thread recently and maybe it will help you too. Like you, I am fortunate enough to have a couple of people in my life who are loving and who I'm amazed I have not driven away with my - as I call it - drama. Sometimes they would get frustrated, sure, and that would send me into a panic. I was certain I was reaching the point of no return with them. That made me avoid them even more, and I'd freak out when they came to check on me anyway.

The advice I got was - tell them what you need. Imagine how frustrating it would be for you to see a loved one suffering and, no matter what you did, it didn't help. Depression can be confusing, even for people who have it, but it turns out, I don't need the moon and sky from them. Usually what I really need is a hug that lasts for as long as I need to cry. When I told my partner that, she was so happy and relieved. This was something she could do. THe best part is, I don't feel like I'm dragging her down. She feels useful and better knowing that I'll come to her when I need to and that there is something she can do for me.

I hope this helps.