How to deal with Low self confidence and self esteem
About me : I have been dealing with depression for 4 years now . I have been also unemployed all this period . Naturally , all this has hampered my self confidence and self esteem . I just can't take even little baby steps outside my comfort zone . There is way too much of fear and anxiety . All this is really paralyzing . I can't take any forward steps . I am stuck .
Has anyone ever been in a similar position ? If yes , I would love to hear from you and get some advice
@calmsoulmeet Hello :) I feel with you! I have been dealing with recurring depression (initially I had a burnout) for 2 years now. All of this has also brought my self-esteem down. At the beginning I was definitely at my lowest point, today I still get periods of depression/anxiety but I don't get to this very very low point anymore. Why? It has been a long long journey which is still not over but I have discovered tools that help me when I encounter those feelings of hopelessness, feeling as if I just want to crawl under the blanket, anxiety about the future etc. I want to share a few of them with you, maybe you get some inspiration :)
1. Being mindful of my feelings. What helps me a lot is to consciously notice when those feelings arise. Don't try to resist them, let them come. What you resist, persists.
2. Do OR not do something with your feelings. Accept that you are feeling anxiety/hopelessness etc. Then you have two choices: Either take the time to let those feelings out by painting, writing them down, listening to music, talk to a friend or here on 7cups. OR: Do something different, especially when those feelings arise when you are trying to take the next step in your life. Stand up. Go outside and take a walk. Bake a cake. Do some exercise. Read a magazine. Watch one episode of your favorite series. Call a friend and talk about something else. Look at your to do list of the day and see if you can do something else instead. The point is: Try not to linger with those bad feelings too much but try to focus 100% consciously on something else. It will slowly push your confidence because you will see that you are capable of doing things, and then it gets also easier doing the more "harder" things :)
3. Let your feelings out. Like I said in point 2. you can also choose to take the time to let your feelings out. I discovered that this is something that has really helped me. I reserve one hour per day to consciously let my feelings out and deal with them! I am not a huge diary writer, so what helps me a lot: Painting "mood pictures". I prepare my sheet of paper and watercolors. Then I take a moment to sit in front of them, close my eyes and consciously focus on what feelings arise. Then I open my eyes again and intuitively choose colors and start painting. However, like I said above, you can also write things down, talk to a person, meditate... you can also try to do other crafts.
4. Be your own best friend. Have compassion with yourself. You are very strong since you have been going through all of this for a long time now and you are still seeking help and try to figure your way out through this! Congratulate yourself for this!! Sometimes it also helps to talk to yourself like you would if it would be your best friend having those issues. You can also try to write yourself a letter of compassion: Write down your fears/bad feelings and then write down what you would tell yourself, like a friend, to encourage you.
5. Acceptance. You are enough. You are very strong since you have gone through so much until now and you are still here. Your depression does not define you. I am currently reading Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach which is helping me a lot. I can also recommend The Fear and Anxiety Solution by Friedemann Schaub. Moreover, look for the Youtube Channel Mouth of the Ape by a person who has gone through the same phase in his life of anxiety/depression. His talks also helped me finding hope and confidence. I can also recommend everything by Mel Robbins to find more inspiration.
6. Meditation. This practice will take a longer time until you feel some results. It is like starting with a new type of sports, you won't be a professional athlete within a week. It takes time and practice. Meditation is "exercise for your mind" - and it takes time and practice. What helps me a lot is the App Calm: Many guided meditations, sleep stories, classes about compassion, sleeping well, depression etc.
7. Find a self help group. Look for a group where everyone shares the same struggles and setbacks. It helps to see that you are not alone in this!
I hope this gives you some inspiration :) Stay strong!! I am in the same fight/journey like you. We can do this!!
@creativeLion1989
I forgot:
8. Practice gratitude. Each evening, write down 3 things that made you feel good/that you are thankful for/something nice you discovered. Another thing you can try: Get yourself some small beeds. Put them all in your left pocket (pants) in the morning. Whenever you experience something good/nice throughout the day, take one beed and put it into your right pocket. At the end of the day, look how many beeds you find in your right pocket :)
9. Write in a journal every day. Morever, you can also write in a journal in general and include this gratitude list every day. Here are some questions my therapist once gave me to answer every day:
1. How have I been waking up today (what was my first thought in the morning, what did I feel)? Did I sleep well last night? Was it enough sleep?
2. Did I take a break today and did I do something for myself today? What did I do for myself today and how was this experience?
3. Could I allow my feelings to be there today? Which feelings did I experience today?
4. Which effect did my feelings have on me today?
5. Was I able to talk about my feelings with someone today? If yes, how was that for me? If no, why didn't I do it?
6. How did I connect with others today? Could I be my true self and/or could I set boundaries?
7. Did I have fun or joy today? If yes, in which situations?
8. What was helpful today?
10. Weekly timetable. I have a whiteboard timetable with every hour of the day (8 am - 6 pm), Monday - Friday. Write down specifically what you will do during your day the night before: To dos, but also breaks!!, exercise, time with friends/family, time to meditate, time to deal with your feelings. Schedule everything in. This helps me a lot to say "no" to arising feelings: I "say" to my feelings okay guys, I don't have time for you right now because I want to exercise/work on my Master's thesis (in my case)/take time with family and friends, want to cook something etc. Establish a routine. Also write down when you will be having breakfast, lunch, dinner.
@creativeLion1989
Hello there . Firstly , thank you so much for taking out the time and replying to my post . I read all the valuable points you mentioned . I have kinda tried and practiced some of them in real life too . While they have helped me a little bit , still I feel that the damage done by depression is way too much and almost irreparable I guess . May be I need to be a bit more patient and follow earnestly all those things you mentioned . It's gonna be a long journey before I start seeing positive outcomes . And at times it feels that I am running out of time 😑.
Thanks once again for your valuable help . Hugs . 🧡🧡
@calmsoulmeet
Hey again :)
Thank you for the reply and the nice greetings! Yeah, again I can relate to the feelings of running out of time, feeling as if "it has been too much damage" and so on. The last time I felt like that was in May: I had been sick before for three whole weeks in which I had too much time to think and got back into negative thought spirals. With every setback I also feel like: Really?! Why can't things just work out?! Will I ever be better or has depression already "won"? The answer is: I got up again. My motivation for that: I know I will feel better when I do the right steps.
You are also still trying to find a way out of this because you are reaching out. You want to get out of this. That is your motivation:) Use this motivation to try all those things that may help, establish a routine every day! The past doesn't matter anymore. You are alive today and you can make a change and a small step today! Start small, the steps will get bigger automatically. Congratulate yourself for every small step. You are NOT running out of time because you are still here and trying :) Yes, it takes patience but again: Try to see it day by day for now. Be patient and establish a routine and consistency. At the beginning, don't try to do too much in a day: For example with me, I first started with working on my thesis just 20 minutes a day! Right now I am at 4 hours! Try to focus on what you want to do for just a small amount of time at first.
Many blessings to you my friend!
@creativeLion1989
Thank you so much once again . I shall keep your message in my mind and hopefully start taking some positive action. 🧡🧡
@creativeLion1989
thankk you soooooo much for
yes we can do this ...
@rishitha Many blessing to you also!! :) I had a little bit of a rough first half of the day today and actually used some of the tools of the list ;) Stay strong!
