Is this Mania?
* Disclaimer : I am currently not diagnosed but have started the process of finding a doctor *
I've been depressed for about 10 years with severe anxiety/panic and suicide ideation (with one attempt)
Things were going great for a while- I recovered from an ED, met and married my husband, got a university degree.
Over the last few months things have been backsliding. I've been severely depressed, irritated and moody. I've been having flashbacks of my past and trying to work through those feelings.
For the last few days I've shot way up energy-wise. I'm fidgety, energetic, and I feel high even though I'm 100% sober (endorphin high?)
My 2 latest journal entries go as follows:
"I'm energetic. Depressed but physiologically excited. panicked but i feel high. I can't stop smiling and feeling jittery but also feel like I'll snap"
"I feel crazy. Clear headed and foggy at the same time. Real and not real. Happy and dark. What and who even am I?"
I went on a huge long rant to a friend last night and could not stop talking/ having revelations.
Any thoughts would be helpful. I have a counselling appointment in a week.
@QueenCaffeine i can relate to one of your states. When I was working, whenever I was in high stress I started smiling and loughing and joking. My colleagues all knew when I was "smiling" there was nothing good but smth bad going on.
I wish we had a manual or map for everything menta going on with us...I wish I could understand my mood ever since I was a child, well, understand life but nothing is clear, everything is fuzzy and medicine and research do too little for us to really help...
I don't know, have you tried to investigate your hormonal ballance?
I have the same feel, urge to search for smth that I do not know what I am searching for but I feel unfulfilled...I don't know if I make any sense...
It is smth we search for but we don't know what...
I'm really sorry you feel this way and that you cannot enjoy a life of quality... : (...seems like some of us are just not allowed to be content and at peace...
Hugs...
@QueenCaffeine
I experience the same thing especially when I am stressed and/or have to get things done. I dont know if its mania or its just high anxiety which both can go hand in hand with depression
feeling frustrated!
thid still going on for you?
@sensibleOak5135
Yep. Still going on. Finally got in with a doctor for next week. My counsellor says it does sound like bipolar depression, so at least I'm not crazy
