I was afraid of commitment, now three years later I wonder if I made a mistake
Perhaps it's just me feeling lonely (which is often), but I'm really struggling to find meaning in my life. I broke up with a wonderful person three years ago because I felt that our lives were too different. I wanted to see who else was out there. I was very loyal to her and cared about her deeply, but I couldn't shake the feeling. We broke up around the time I moved across the state for a new job.
Now that it's been three years, I can't help but be reminded of all the positives that we had. I remember all the things I used to love in my life while I was in that relationship, and all those things really mean nothing to me now. I don't like who I am as a single person because I feel like there's a void inside of me that cannot be filled by personal development. I've done so much work on myself over the years to figure out what it is that I really want, and my head keeping circling back to her. I've dated a few people since then, and I really never felt that interested in any of them.
I just want these memories to go away because nothing I do right now can match up to those highs we had. I miss the connection deeply. It hurts like I've been living in a mud pit with no one to talk to for three years.
I just feel so stupid. Maybe I have too much pride, or my ego is too big. I'm stubborn and can't make decisions for myself. I feel so lost.
Hey thanks for reaching out. I am sorry to hear that you often feel lonely.
I often question myself: do we find meaning or do we have to give meaning to our lives?
Break ups are always difficult and it hits/ hurts us all in different ways and at different times. You made a choice for you three years ago. It seems that now when you recall all the positive aspects of your relationship, you leave out the reasons for your choice back then. It is so easy to look back and say I made the wrong choice now…. but how do you know this? Would you be happy today if you made a different choice back then without knowing what you know now?
I am sorry you are struggling with this.
@SunShineBeachDays
Thanks for the reply. Somedays I ache for my ex, but you gave me a good perspective. I probably would be unhappy today if I didnt choose to breakup with her. I would be wondering "what if", and I would feel probably still feel torn between wanting to breakup and wanting to try to make it work.
I think there is no other choice but to keep going and see what happens. I dont know if I'll ever meet someone else who makes me happy, or happier? That's where I'm stuck. It's hard to have all these memories and missing someone dearly. I guess I wish we could be friends. But that's an unreal fantasy and would never work.
Thanks for your words. I hope you have a good day.