Loving someone with depression
I recently married someone with depression. What can I do to be supportive of my spouse?
@Iloveparis Letting them know you are there for them is all you can really do, depression is very much an internal battle and it can be helpful just knowing there is someone available to talk whenever, get a hug from, whatever they may need. Be understanding (even if you don't understand) just try your best to empathise with them and not belittle how they feel. And finally, being in a relationship with a depressed person can be taxing on yourself, so be mindful of your current state and take time out for yourself, don't forget to do things you enjoy.
Hi @Iloveparis,
I don't know anything about romatic relationships, but I've learnt that supporting someone with depression is about understanding, patience and empathy, regardless of the type of one's relationship. Depression has many faces, but there are certain 'to do's' in every case.
Depression often tells you that you are trash and don't deserve anything good. It's invisible, but it affects your mood and health. So the first thing to do is to observe your spouse's behaviour, be responsive and interested (you could ask them questions how they feel and remind them you're always there for them, but also encourage them to seek professional help). Depression also consumes you so much that it's impossible to do one's domestic chores or work. It's not laziness, believe me. It's a real symptom of a real illness, so you might want to do some of the chores for your spouse or give them a hand.
@ErikB above mentioned all the important things very well, your self-care in particular. If you ever feel some things are too much to handle, please reach out for help.
And I'd also say, just hug them a lot. When depression peaks, there is nothing more comforting and helpful than getting a hug from a real human being who truly cares.
Best of luck with your love! 
Thank you both for your responses! It's especially difficult right now because we do not have access to medical coverage at the moment (I'm doing my best to remedy this). I have noticed that taking on work and chores is too much for him right now, so I'm doing everything I can. I'm afraid, though, that not doing his work is actually creating a cycle where he feels like he has no purpose, but depression and anxiety is preventing him from doing his work or studies...
@Iloveparis
Depending on where you live, there might be free (or low cost) counselling options available. alternatively, you can always recommend that your partner come to 7cups if they just need to chat
@Iloveparis, I'm sorry you have to deal with such a stressful situation. Depression is tricky, I should know.
If you currently don't have medical coverage, you both might want to cope by talking to someone here, or any other friend or a family member. Especially someone who understands depression. Venting to someone is truly heaven-sent. Or you might want to do some internet research and perhaps find a counsellor or a specialist who could see you free of charge. Or perhaps some forums like here, or fb groups that would give you a sense of being a part of a supportive community? It's very helpful to see that you're not alone in this.
Not doing one's work and all that circle you mentioned is very typical of depression, and I know that usually it seems unbearable for the sufferers. That is why it is nice to make some plans/schedules/etc. and try to stick to them. Keeping a calendar or using free apps for yor phone is always handy. It's not about climbing Mt Everest, it's about trying. Small steps do count, so does rewarding yourself after you manage do do anything (I'm depressed, but I got out of bed and did ... and ... . I'll reward myself by doing ... and ...).
Also, changing your surrounding helps. You might want to take your spouse to a park, or even for a short walk down the road. Or to a place where he wouldn't possibly go on his own. See some new places, let some freshness into your heads. Hoplefully, you'll get inspired do do more new and exciting things and progress faster.
I've had to come through all the terrible depression stuff by myself, so I think as your spouse is so lucky to have you, the situation will all get better soon. I know it's tough, and it's a battle, but it doesn't last forever. I think you're super kind, people who are truly supportive of the loved ones are the most precious to us, the sufferers.
Best of luck <3
Here are some links you might find useful: https://www.7cups.com/BrowseListeners/
https://www.rethink.org/diagnosis-treatment/conditions/depression
https://www.7cups.com/forum/DepressionSupportCommunity_52/Depression_30/Youdontnecessarilyneedtounderstandyoujusthavetobepresent_28342/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z-IR48Mb3W0 (a four-minute film explaining depression that has helped me)