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@understandingGrapefruit2118

Hello grapefruit!

I don't know if what I'm gonna say will bring any solace to you but I'm writing in the hope that it does. If it doesn't then I'm sorry.

I relate to your situation, or atleast I feel I do. From what I understand you seem to be struggling to get your life back on track after it's been thrown out of whack by anxiety and depression. And maybe all the effort you've been putting into your recovery has been starting to feel...monotonous? And perhaps you feel like you haven't made as much progress as you thought you should've? And maybe that's why you feel like you're not really going anywhere?

(sorry if I'm wrong)

So maybe that's why you feel like you need to change up something.

Or maybe you really are reverting back. Which is frustrating, but it's ok. Old habits are difficult to fix, and that's just all they are, habits. Trying to change those habits feel uncomfortable so the body (the brain....a part of the body) tries to revert back.

A person with a smoking habit struggles so hard just to stop smoking, it's normal.

I'm personally trying to fix my life too. I've been going through a lot of mental garbage myself and I definitely understand the struggle of trying to realign myself and be able to live a "normal life". And I do get upset at how little progress I've made.

But then again, at the end of the day progress is still progress. Sometimes baby steps really is all we can do, and that's not wrong. We shouldn't blame ourselves for doing what we can do. All that matters is that we ARE progressing.

And as for reverting back, that's okay too. We all have our good days and bad days, days that we move a few steps towards our goal, and days that we inadvertantly step backwards.

Have you ever taken economics? If you look at the graph of a gdp (gross domestic product, ie a country's income), it actually goes up and down. A country would want to see their income go up, because they want to be wealthy. But it doesn't always just straightfowardly shoot up. And that's fine. As long as the line goes up in general. Like an upwards sine wave. Sometimes theres profit, sometimes theres a deficit, it goes in a cycle ("boom and bust"). That's just how life can be sometimes. Just make sure the trend is upwards, i.e. you are making more progress than regression (more profit than deficit), and it usually will be as long as you continue to work on yourself.

Ok, maybe that was unnecessarily complicated but what I'm trying to say is, it's natural to not always make progress and if you do regress, just shake it off and re-try whenever you're ready. There's no rush.

As for trying new activities, like new jobs or friends, just take it slowly. If you want a new group of friends, start by maybe finding one person. Or maybe talking to somebody you haven't talked to in a long time. Say hello to them. Talk to one person per week. Or month. Or year. Whatever you CAN do. Or if its a new job, if you don't feel ready to get one, just spend time searching and contemplating. Then when you're ready, apply for something you're interested in. If you hate it, you can always just quit. I mean...unless you might end up in a financially unstable position, then things become a little more difficult. But even then, if push ever comes to shove, your life is more important than a job. Either way, what I'm trying to say is, just take baby steps no matter what it is. If you don't know where to start, think of what you CAN do, no matter how small it is. Because no matter what you say, there is always something you CAN do, but more often than not we are blinded by what we think we can't.

I'm sorry if I said something out of line. I assure you my intentions are from a positive and respectful place. I hope that even if I didn't solve anything there was still something you could take away from it.

Thanks for reading my long post.