Should I tell the school counselor about my self-harm once school starts?

Excuse me, but this’ll be a long post. So, hear me out, lol. I’ve been struggling with self harm quite a lot since the start of 8th grade (I’m gonna go into 9th in August). At first it started small. I would dig my nails into my skin. They’d leave scars afterward. I hit my head with my fists. I slapped myself. I would hit my violin bow kn my head as well. I would always do this whenever I made a mistake. Or if I just had a lot of pent-up shame and anger in me. It acted as a “punishment” for my wrongdoings. For not being good enough. For my standards. And for the standards of others. My Dad caught on to this. I would do it in my soccer games. Instead of trying to support me, he did the opposite. He yelled at me and punished me. He grounded me from electronics for a week and would only give them back if I didn’t hit myself at practice. That put a lot of pressure to not relapse on me. But it was inevitable. I got grounded again. He blamed it all on my electronics. Saying I was a drama queen. Being spoiled. Selfish. Oversensitive. This happened around April and May, I think. But little does he know I’ve been suffering from depression for a long time :/

Now it’s the end of 8th grade. It’s the summer. I had an episode of Anhedonia recently. I hated it, it was hell. I felt so numb and empty to everything. I felt hollowed out. Like life was purposeless. My motivation was stolen away from me. I couldn’t feel anything. No pleasure, no happiness, no sadness. I once again turned to masturbation to try and feel something. But I lost pleasure from that, too. It was so hard. Waking up was so hard. I couldn’t drag myself out of bed. And I couldn't fall asleep. I’ve been sick as well, so that’s made it worse. I’m on vacation, so I left my phone at home (my dad was worried I would lose it on the planes). But I can only reach out for help from my phone. I have a new friend that I know will help me through this. But I can only persevere through the days until I can get back home.

I started getting more serious with my self-harm. It was around midnight. I’d prepared things beforehand. I got out sanitary wipes and dry paper towel rolls. A kitchen knife I grabbed beforehand was hidden inside the roll. I grabbed it and decided to cut. Unfortunately, I couldn’t harm myself to my liking. Either my skin was too thick, the knife wasn’t sharp enough, or I wasn’t trying my hardest. But I could barely cause a cut to bleed. There was only one cut that started bleeding mildly. Days after and the cuts I thought were nothing were visible, too. They looked like cat scratches. They’re healing quickly, and are becoming less visible by the day. But I feel an urge to cut again.

I feel like I should tell someone. But there are so many things in my path. From telling people about my self-harming and about getting help in general. The only thing I can do is wait until I can call my new friend back home. I have to wait until school starts to tell my counselor. Now here’s where the title of this post comes in. I know I need help. I need to tell her everything (my depression and maybe my PTSD) But I’m worried. If I tell her about my self-harm they’ll tell my parents, that’d be the worst days of my life. If my Dad and brother figured it out. My brother’s a narcissist. I’ve been suffering narcissistic abuse form him for years. Obviously him knowing is a disaster in and of itself. And my dad. I can’t imagine how horrible that conversation would be. He’s accuse me again. Blame the electronics for “screwing up my head”. He’ll say I’m too weak and a drama queen again. Oh boy. He’d roast me alive. He’d probably even physically discipline me too. He hasn’t done that since I was younger, though (in the single digits. Only a couple times). So I’m scared to tell the counselor about the self-harming. But I know I’ll tell them about my depression. That’s something I can’t forget to mention. I need that help. Well, I’ll have to wait a month and a half to get that help, lol :|

If anyone’s read this, I thank you for your patience. Your consideration of my predicament alone makes my day. I would be thankful for someone to respond.

Of most compassions, ~DingoJacakal :D~