What is something Depression keeps others from knowing about you?
Depression can be good at masking who you really are as a person. It can keep others away and selfishly keep you all to itself. What is something that Depression keeps others from knowing or seeing about you?
I put on a strong face, but I feel broken and I have lost my mother January 2nd this year and it killed me. If it weren't for my 18 and 2 year old I don't think I could go on. But I do for them. I miss my mother so much. I listen to music b/c it helps me with my anxiety and sometimes I self medicate to just feel numb from all the pain. Whether it's my xanax or Percocet. I just want to be numb. And my husband who I love so much is depressed and is a recovering drug addict. He went to Rehab this summer after they found his mother dead on overdose of xanax. His drug of choice was cocaine/crack. We're all a fkn mess. He and I share a 2 yr old lil' girl...Aria and my 18 year old is the best a mother could ask for except for his smart mouth, lol. My son knows I take xanax, he don't know I take more than needed sometimes. I feel ashamed. It doesn't impair me from taking care of my daughter, she's the apple of my life! And if something don't give with my husband and I, idk what's gonna happen. Even after 10 yrs I am just as in love with him from day one even though I feel he's turned me into this bitch I am. I use to be the life of the party, now I don't want to do any housework. I do for my daughter and son, I barely eat. No appetite. I am just making it day to day and I feel like if I ever want to ever resemble myself again, I need to leave him b/c I've NEVER trusted him and I know I never will b/c of the drugs. I try but I always throw up the past no hard I try! It's like a bad dream and you can't wake up. I've let myself go. I just am not the me I use to be. Some of y'all may say it's my depression that causes this, but y'all can't walk in my shoes and I know depression plays a BIG part in my life, but I honestly if he hadn't lied, snuck around, stole, got put in jail, screamed at me in my face and calling me a cunt when he was fucked up and etc...I would maybe be maybe the same person. Idk what a real marriage entails. We don't talk or rather he don't talk to me, he don't communicate AT ALL! I'm a talker so I talk at him and I feel if I left I could never trust another man because of what he's put me through and please believe I am FAR from perfect. Sorry for the book. Thx for all who read this! 
Honestly, I've been hiding all of my negative emotions. I'm so worried that people will see what I'm actually feeling that I act extra cheerful to my friends. Nobody notices it's an act. I've even frequently been called the most upbeat person in the grade.
Honestly, I think I would be exactly this cheerful if I wasn't depressed, but now that I am, there's another side to myself that nobody knows.
expressing my feelings!!!
How I really feel and my emotions to ppl I'm always smiling
That I think life is pointless, and the only reason I'm still alive is to spare other people the grief.
@Nswiss
Me too
@Nswiss I upvoted your post not because I think what you said is wise but because I at many times feel the same. Deep down I know how wrong it is to feel that way though the patterns of pain, depression and results of anxiety lead us each to the same conclusion. If nothing else know I'm here with you, for you, beside you right now.
How beautiful my soul is
That I would love to start a blog, be creative, do something like that. But I don't, because people just think I'm stupid & worthless.
@honestLime3565
Just wanted to drop by and say that if you wanna do something, you should go for it. By not doing something you want to do because some people think bad about you is giving them satisfaction because making you feel bad is their main goal. Creativity is amazing! There are thousands of ways to portray creativity and blogging is one of them. If you were "stupid" or "worthless" you wouldn't have such a creative mind :p
Thank you so much! :) It makes me happy to finally hear some positive feedback instead of all the reasons why I shouldn't. And know what? I think I Might just do a little research & see what I can find. :)
Just how deep and envololping it really is. I don't want people to know how bad it truly is as I feel they would give up on me because it's so difficult to deal with already.
Who I really am.
I don't let people over my home because it's a mess. My therapist says it's because it's the only place where I can feel free because everywhere else I'm very controlled and disciplined. I am not motivated to clean up my home yet I'm an overachiever at work and in college