does this make sense*possible trigger*
i feel very depressed and its getting to the point where i want to end it. ive also wanted to cut way deeper sometimes for no reason also
well i drank cough syrup the other day but put it back after i took a drink then this im trying to hhelp everyone when i cant even help myself literally im at school with a blade if i get caught i could get big charges and yet i dont care because im selfish and i need it when i need it .. i cant stop myself anymore.. im also asking people for blades and i can never go to a mental hospital again because i cost my mental health people too much last time and what if i need it and since im under 18 i cant admit myself the people with my clinic has to
@imsorryitry Of course it makes sense, with a mixture of feeling depressed and something addictive like self-harm, it makes complete sense that you're going through this. It's not your fault that you have these feelings, that you're feeling you want to worsen your self-harm, or that you're just too overwhelmed to help others, or that it's hard to stop yourself. Self-harm is powerful and it can take control over someone very easily, it like a terrible little goblin that clings to your back won't leave you alone.
I don't think you're selfish at all. It sounds like you're just struggling with things that are very difficult, a big mixture of things that are trying to drag you down, and it's understandable that it's hard to fight them. It's so difficult, because self-harm makes you feel like you need it (hence the 'addiction'), and so it's just a bad cycle of being more and more dependant on it...breaking that cycle takes a lot of effort, but it can be done! I hope that you'll find the strength and courage to stand up against it, to put your blades somewhere you can't reach them and to work through the urges in a different, more positive way, so that you can be free from it. I know you can do it :) even if it takes some time, and you have some relapses, I know that you can fight against these urges that are controlling your life 
I'm happy to hear that you're trying though, putting down the cough syrup, knowing your limits, and especially that you're still here. You're still standing and surviving through all of this, and that's something you should be proud of. Even if it's incredibly difficult, and it's hard to fight, you're still making it!
Even if you can't go to the hospital, you still have people supporting you and who care about you, like the people on here, like your therapist. We're all rooting for you and we all believe in you!
