help please what do i do
I honestly don't know anymore. I want it to go away. It wont. what am i doing wrong? Is it me or my mind? Lately it's like my life has been fake like im in a dream or that i'm dead. I'm so close to kms and the worst thing is no one will help me. I can't help myself right now anymore. I need someone to help me. I feel so bad. I don't know anymore. Im the problem. I just want to be fixed. Im crying for help that people don't recognize. Im finally dead inside. It can't get worse or will it? How much will it take for people to save me from myself and listen. I'm so done. I cant reach out to people without them saying it'll be ok or what's your plan. I don't want people knowing my plan. I just feel so awful. I'm crying so much. It doesn't change anything. It doesnt change how i feel or think. I just want someone to stay and never leave. No one does, no one will. I feel pathetic. Life isn't all about me. The pain is so bad. Like i get so upset where im sick to my stomach. Its like im drowning and i can't get out. I'm trying so hard to get out. I try new things. I talk to people. It just isn't getting better. It is just worse. The doctor sees me getting better. Or using the phone left. One reason is why try to call when i know they will just say well what is your plan? There is no way out anymore except this. If i told the school they would say it on my record. And call the cops. I dont want that. Why can it just go away.
@imsorryitry If you call a helpline and they ask you about your plan, you can always say something like "I'd rather talk about something else" and they should move on. I think it's just in their training to ask stuff like that, because for some people it helps, but for others it doesn't. Things like that mean they do care about you. People don't always know how to handle situations like this well, because maybe they don't know what it's like, or they are scared. But that means that they do care! They want to help you but they just don't know how, and it's not anyone's fault. It just sucks when it's not the kind of 'care' that you need.
The hard part about these feelings is that they can't be fixed by someone else, it has to come from you. But, others can always be there to support you and to help you through, to guide you through your options. But the effort has to come from you. The fact that you want to feel better, that you want to be helped is a big step! I hope you recognize that even that takes a lot of strength and courage. Even if it doesn't feel like it, you can make it through this.
Take some deep breaths Hope. You've made it this far already, you can keep going! You have a whole website here of people who are here for you, to support you and help you the best we can. You're never alone through this. Let yourself cry, and let yourself fight through this. It takes a lot of time and effort to get through these things, but it's so worth it. I wish so much that there could be an easy, quick fix, but that's just not how it goes. It's a whole process, but it can be overcome. So many people start feeling better even after being in the worst possible place inside, and they're not special, there's no reason that can't be you too.
Have you tried some of the mindfulness exercises on here? They may help you to relax and re-center yourself when you start feeling overwhelmed like this. There are also some help guides that have useful suggestions, if you wanted to check them out. Especially regarding how you're thinking/feeling. There's so many options out there for you, and we're all here to help walk you through 