Help Wanted!
I really need need to feel like me again. Lately I've been feeling all kinds of unwanted emotions and thoughts at different times of the day. I don't know how to explain this but I'm not feeling depressed as if I want to end things but just really low and stuck.
I feel maybe like something got to give. I am looking into counselling but things have been slow due to work and other goings on. All I need is clarity. Just to be accepted help and support from someone who can give me this low esteem a boast.
As I said, don't know know why I feel like this or where it's come from. I know works been stressful lately but it's not done me any harm however been thinking in my mind that something's is gonna happen and I'm gonna go back to square one like before but it's not as strong feeling as it has been before. Nothing other then that has happened. It's just last few days been a funny one for me. I'm losing my way and need someone to help me find it again.
I would also like to make new friends this year but with work it's taking my time up. I have weekends off but usually I like doing nothing. I need new friends who understand and gain back a sense of belong cuz right now I feel I don't belong and I'm useless. I'm very sensitive person and when something gets to me it gets to me and there's no one to turn to. It's like no one will wanna know.
I thought it would be a good idea to contact my old friend from school. Reason why was to speak to someone I once knew who can help me with me and these skeletons in the closet but she didn't wanna know. I felt worse then I did but knew she was an ex friend for a reason so didn't do anything I would of done.
I know I've come a long way since my illness few years ago and have made good steps along the way. It's just now with getting older and having more pressure on you with the world changing and new laws coming in. It just makes me wonder why am I here, what have I got, who have I got?
I know I'm still the same person as always been but last few days been different. Like its a big change again. It being New Year it don't make it easy. I feel like this year will be pointless or not great. I don't have much hope right now. I wish I wasn't me and someone else.
Could really do with a supportive friend or someone for clarity and reassurance.
If anyone knows the answer to why i am feeling this way please reply here.
Thank you.
@sunshine thanks so much your really. Had helped to know I'm not on my own. When these thoughts come and I get emotional I don't know what to do or how to react. Everything just comes crashing down. The littlest things hurt me the most cuz there's always something. I find that I'm always lonely and need someone. Just clarity. Know that I'm not on my own or weird. I can't seem to relax at work by being myself and there's always some expectation and don't wanna be going beyond my needs. Someone told me to not try too hard. It gets noticed but then I get critism for something and when I don't I get critism again for not working hard. It's always me. They don't pick on people who don't do anything. It's just cuz they get on with them better or know what to do but I know what to do. Some woman yesterday came over and said no ones allowed baskets in men's fitting room. I don't know how she noticed but it's like being watched doing my job and them waiting for me to fail. This was older woman and just felt well she's saying that cuz I'm young and quiet. If i wasn't she wouldn't say anything. She even was a bit rude to customer just cuz he didn't understand English. I heard that she's racist. Other people have said. Then after was laughing her, body guard and superviser cuz of guy and he could hear what they were saying. That's not professional is it!!! I don't like people telling me what to do or boss me about and think they are better. No one is and everyone should be equal so you understand why I have these strong feelings and emotions daily. I will try what you said and explore what's on my mind and find a way to do it differently and letting it go over my head. Mindfulness I have tried but not much help but try. I'm working this morning so will hear from you soon. My self d asks she will come in and see me for moral support. I needed to talk to a friend yesterday. Someone who knows me and can relate.
Thank you for your reply.