Happiness

@Rrivas Hey! Please know you.are.not.alone. Seriously! I literally related to everything on this post (well, if it was me a few months ago that is, thankfully I have gotten better) and please please please know that you deserve to be happy, even if it is so hard to be it. I wish I could give you a cure, an answer, something that would make you feel better, but I can only give you the words I am saying right now <3 The only advice I can give is to never give up completely! Sometimes you might find it hard, i know I did. Sometimes I did give up, it took me 2 entire years to get out of this state of depression so please don't rush it! If you want to talk to me or any other listener more about how you are feeling you can <3 I hope all goes well for you and know that you are loved :)

May i ask how long have you been feeling this way? I did something before but was saved and recovered. There are just times when i feel empty and ask myself "what is wrong with me". Good things doesn't really make me happy since i know it will pass and bad times are always longer like it doesnt stop. The person i was before i know is still there, it just hides inside. Maybe because i think it won't become better anymore for me, even if it does it wont last long. Anyway, i found myself 1 week later at the hospital. Doing it feels like a chore now, my life isnt mine alone i know that. People will get sad. It didn't really change anything after i recovered. Maybe it did in some way. I felt like i was given a chance to start something new. But what i did. The process when trying to do it all. That's where i started to cry all my emotions out. That's where i really felt that life is real for me. I was alive. Doing it was just an excuse for me since i want the easy way out. I understand that even though i still sometimes think of doing it again. But whenever i think about doing it, i remember the time after I've done it. I keep reminding myself it isn't worth the trouble, i felt that i just want to do something new for me, i want something that proves that I'm here, that I'm alive. I want people to really see me. Not just my fake smiles. So i started opening up a little. Its embarrassing to show the ones you love how you really felt. The more you try to hide it, the more that it becomes a burden, it becomes heavy, it eats you. I know its hard but, it never was easy. I lived a hard life, so why not try again. I'm used to having pain in my life so try making one step at a time. You'll be surprised that something is there for us just waiting to be seen too.