How Do I Love Myself?

I was diagnosed with Bipolar around 4 years ago. Soon after I started seeing a therapist, but ever since I was young I was never able to think for myself. I never explored how i felt, or my own emotions because I based my thoughts, feelings, and actions on other. I hate making people sad so I tell them liea and pretend to be happy and carefree. I don't argue with anyone out of fear of them getting annoyed or angry with me. It makes me happy when others are happy, sad when others are sad, and angry when others are angry, especially people I'm close to.

When I first started seeing my therapist, I noticed that I said "I don't know" a lot and apologized for every little thing I felt was annoying. I found it very hard to see my therapist, because I was so used to reading people's emotions and basing my mood and actions off of them, but my therapist...well, I couldn't read her. I never knew what she was thinking, and to be honest, it scared me.

I thought my Bipolar was bad from my lack of coping skills, and we focused on that for a long time. Soon after my therapist moved, I realized something, especially after doing a lot of discovery about myself. My Bipolar started from my lack of self-confidence. I always did what was best, not for me, but for others, and because of that I got the idea that I didn't matter stuck in my head since I was young.

I hate myself so much. I hate how I look, how I sound, how I can never keep friends, but deep down I don't really know why I hate myself so much. I blame myself for everything bad that has happened in my families life. It's just a thought that comes straight to my head, like instinct. I can't help but hurt myself sometimes because I feel as though I deserve it.

I haven't had a therapist for about a year now (I'm working on getting one), but in the meantime I want to know how some of you learned how to accept and love yourself. I wanna know what you love about yourself, and what others love about you, and thank you for taking the time to read this lost thread.