I feel like my sadness is undeserved

I know that you cant expect people to care or listen, love isn't guaranteed but it sucks. I have a small family, it's hard not being able to go outside without feeling people are judging me or my parents. My dad can be pretty loud and aggressive so I chose not to go out with him. I feel like such a bad daughter, I hate my dad, especially when he drinks and pretends the things he says didnt happen. He acts sluggish and talks shit about my brother or talk about stocks. He used to make fun of me for how I looked and when I told him how I felt sad for 3 years he would always say others have it worse. He dosnet remember my age or care about me outside when he needs something. I'm ungrateful I know that, some people dont even have a father or food on their plate. I'm so lucky that maybe I have too much of it. I depend so much on food it physically hurts, I'll eat until I get heartburn and feel food at the back of throat. Food makes me feel happier, I dont know why I'm so sad, I either feel sad, anxious, or nothing at all. I cant rember the last time I felt happy. I have no one to talk to, maybe I didnt try hard enough to keep those close to me. I dont try at all, I'm sorry to those reading this and feel if they have to make me feel better. You don't, I just wanted to rant. I'm soon turning 16 which means I'll have to shape up, hopefully by then I can feel better, and live a normal life.