I feel trapoed
I have no friends at school, my old friend group left me about 7 months ago and I didn’t transfer schools so I’m alone, completely. I have 1 friend at school and I can barley call her my friend. Everyday at school is a nightmare, I sit alone in class, I walk alone in the halls, I sit alone in the library during break hours usually reading. I usually different routes to avoid the popular kids (my ex friend group) whom I’m always afraid to face incase they say anything bad or give me weird looks (they’ve done it sometimes) I fear everyday something is going to happen, that I’m going to get bullied or lectured by them. They left me after lecturing me for hours for things I never committed and turned many people against me.
im obviously never invited to their parties or hangouts anymore, some of them give a simple hi and hello and genuinely wanna get away from me. I feel like a monster I feel like I’m the problem and someone who cannot be loved. Everyday at school I try not to cry, I’m failing some subjects and I can’t focus in class due to the depression and anxiety I’ve been battling for 2 years, it feels so dark and cold there and I always end up collapsing in the bathroom. I resent that place so much and long to get out. I feel trapped and I have 3 years of school to still get through (our middle school and high school is in the same campus btw)
I’ve been dealing with PTSD since I was 11 due to abuse, I’m not sure how them abandoning me and insulting me triggered my PTSD but I get constant nightmares and disturbed sleep about them, I’m not sure why I never knew I was so fragile that this was able to have such a long lasting effect on me.
I was done dirty by all of them some even betraying me and talking behind my back and playing tricks with my personal info and life. It all sucks
@Taintedrose112
I am really sorry to hear what you are going through. You deserve so much better. I know it seems dark now, but I know that in the future, you will find a group of friends that will include you and make you feel appreciated. I understand what you are going through to an extent. I used to feel incredibly lonely at school and like I had no one. It is difficult, but you are not alone. I know it may seem like an eternity now but circumstances change and everything will be okay. What I did when I felt that way was to do my best to focus things other than the present circumstances, like reading, watching movies and playing sports. I wish you the very best of luck. You are not alone!
