I really desperately need to vent and I dont know what to do
Okay so, Im 15 going on 16. All my life since as far back as I can remember was my parents fighting and my mom trying to pack bags while trying to leave. and I dont know that scares me. I think because of what goes on inside my home i try to be as social as possible outside but i still cant like i cant be as close as i want to people. Im scared of it. I know this steps on domestic violence but my parents go worse then arguing. My dad is paranoid and thinks my mom cheats on him and says very bad insults and hurts my mom. I think my mom might leave us and I have mixed feelings. I know if she goes away then its good I dont have to see my mom hurt but i know that same abuse will mainly fall onto me then. I feel selfish for not wanting my mom to leave but shes my mom i love her being without her hurts me on the inside so much i feel like i cant breathe. Another thing is I used to be basically a gifted kid back then. I used to be good at everything because well i liked it. Now im burnt out. Im scared and i feel worthless. The only thing going for me was my smarts. now i dont even have that. my dad forces me to do competitions even when i say no even when i say i cant or dont like it. he even called me a word that no father should ever call his child. which really hurt me so much that i feel numb now. how could he say that...like im pretty sure i cant say that word here it was basically a word to describe a person who engages in um well certain activities in exchange for money. the worst part was that this word was used when i told my dad i was tired and i didnt want to do something. he sometimes tells me i should stay home and learn how to cook and often times says that kids my age get married and im useless. i hate this i hate all of it.
copy pasted this btw i didnt wanna type all of this again. i took this from a different forum its done by me cuz i think idk i just wanted to get this out as far as possible.
Hi @modestCamp2663.
I believe I know the word he called you and that's terrible!!
And all these mixed emotions for wondering if you should support your mother are correct and valid. You see the problem and you desire a resolution or change. Nobody can judge you but the almighty..
Please remain strong and courageous and one day you will be free from this pain you face...🌟
@AsherTree Thank you so much. I really just hope I can get away from it as soon as possible
@modestCamp2663 get to higher ground as soon as you can! Avoid living in a swamp, it's very disappointing what's going on around you.....🌟
@AsherTree Thanks, Ill try idk i wonder if some of this is my fault and if i could have avoided this one side of me says I can the other says I had no hand in this.
@modestCamp2663
Everybody makes mistakes, is it possible you believe it's your fault because your being blamed for things unjustifiedly? please continue with your life and move on like you wanted if possible..
@AsherTree Thanks but yeah I think its so like idk it just feels like that sometimes for things that could gen maybe get better if i was a better student or more help
@modestCamp2663 Oh, I can feel the unfairness of this. I hope you will be able to get yourself away from this soon. It sounds like moving away with your mom is not an option now. Well, I think you are doing your best trying to stay socially active. It’s understandable that you are blocked from connecting deeper. I hope in some time you will find enough safety to heal.
I am so glad that you are reaching out here. So you can at least share your pain.
@pinkCherry1616 Thanks, Ive never reached out or shared about my problems before so I feel a lot less lighter in a sense
@modestCamp2663
7 cups also let’s you have chats with teen listeners, if that would interest you.
It’s definitely worth to protect your sense of self. You can still focus on who you wanna become as a person. It doesn’t sound easy. But you survived it this long and with enough of selfawaness and compassion to write your message.
Your father sounds like someone who can’t stand not being in control. Someone who is OK with not playing fair to maintain a sense of still having that control. It’s not a real strength. It likely is meant to fail him. How alone is he already?
I point to it cause sometimes when we see the weakness behind the attack aimed at us, it helps to lessen our distress.
@pinkCherry1616 I mean my dad usually just whatever he decides he thinks its the absolute truth. He also usually distances from everything and everyone and then gets violent. Idk he wasnt always like this or maybe he was just not to me explicitly i have too many conflicted thoughts about this
@modestCamp2663 well, it does not sound like is well regulated. What he is doing sounds like a vicious circle that makes things worse for everyone involved including him. Although, he might not be aware that it hurts him too. I think that having that forced control can create an illusion of things being OK for them. I don't share this perspective to create compassion for him. I think he might need accountability more than compassion. Compassion is what controlling people use against other people and it does not help them. It enables them to continue their behavior. So I share it mainly hoping it can help you hold on, find some ground and maybe ease the confusion. I also can't be sure about how correct my intuition is here. What are your thought?
@pinkCherry1616 I do agree with you. Since they are old school he wont get help nor let us get help. So my only option now is to wait it out I wish he woudnt wait it out tho I wish they could get help
hi, @modestCamp2663
this is definitely a hard situation,
people mirror inner states,but remember that it always does get better.it will be fine,
try holding on to some hope,
a ray of hope that it will get better eventually.
and, trust me,it will
@compassionandhope Thank you so much situation in my home isnt really calm and im more stressed bcuz i have exams too in just a few days so i dont know i just feel very weird i dont even know how to describe it
you know what, i hope and pray things get better for you ....
just remember that the world can sometimes be unkind to us, maybe in form of our family or academics,but dont be unkind to yourself.
give yourself grace,
and remember health is the number 1 priority, everything else will fall in place eventually.
you'll be fine, ill pray for you
@compassionandhope Thank you so much for your prayers that really does mean a lot to me.