Is it worth it

I’ve known there was something wrong with my head for a long time but due to my situation I can’t get anything checked or be put on anything to help. These past few years I have just been spiraling, I used to be bullied for being a heavier kid so I begged and begged my grandma to take me out of school and when that happened I began starving and secluding myself. I have few friends and my family only tells me my feelings aren’t valid because I’m a kid, I have a girlfriend who lives in Europe and honestly she’s the only sliver of light in my life right now, i have multiple breakdowns a day and I’m constantly getting overloaded, I have almost no memories, my mom has passed and god knows where my dad is, I want to get a job and leave to be with my girlfriend but every time I think about applying anywhere my body cramps up and I begin having panic attacks. I don’t know what the point of me downloading this or saying all of this but I guess I’ll end it with the title. Is happiness really worth it?