It’s a lot

Im gonna be completely honest I don’t feel okay like I say I do

I have a therapist but I don’t feel like she’s helping because it’s really hard for me to open up because I often over share and my mom yells at me for that. Im scared to talk about things because I often over share. I have adhd but I feel like forced to pretend I don’t have it and because that my life feels like crap.

I always talked a lot but I can’t do that cause I’m forced to shut up by comments people make or I’m told to shut up

I can’t study as well and get in trouble for it.

i really can’t sit still I want to move around but I can’t even do that cuz people yell at me for moving one bit.

I interrupt people a lot but I don’t do mean to do it. It just comes out.

my mom rarely lets me be my adhd self and then gets mad when I feel down and don’t wanna do anything.

I don’t wanna be like this but I feel like she’s the reason I’m depressed and I wanna di3.

even though she sometimes gives me affection she still is mean to me. She yells at me for every thing and then blames me for it. She takes her anger out on me then wonders why I I’m scared to talk her. I don’t wanna talk to her cuz every time I talk to her it always ends with “it’s your fault” or “shut up”.

Then when things get bad I feel like I’m forced to tell her she’s the problem but then she stars saying stuff like “then I’m a bad mother, if you don’t want me as your mother then I’ll just give you away” which makes me feel even worse and is probably why I’m scared to open up when I’m told to because I’m to afraid I’m gonna be judged. I wish I was d3ad I’m so scared and I just can’t live with myself. Sorry if it’s a lot to read but I really need to share.