I want to cry but I can't
Hello. I don't really know what is happening at the moment. I am in a really wired mental state right now. Most of the time I feel numb and if I don't feel numb i am feeling like shit. I want to cry but I can't. I ignore everything, all my thoughts and I've been bottling up everything for the past like 3-4 months that it feels like I forgot how to feel anything or cry. And to be honest I am really scared to cry again , because there is so much I've bottled up I am scared what will happen if it comes out. I don't know what to do really I kinda feel like I'm not even real anymore and I'm so confused all the time. Anyone else feel like that or is it just me.
@Anonymous138
I understand the feeling. I’ve suffered from depression for years and sometimes it can feel like nothing matters, everything is boring and life is mentally painful to live.
Bottling up emotions is very harmful and, in my experience, is because I feel like I don’t deserve the relief of finally letting go and opening up to someone. Self hatred plays a big part in it. Or it can be because I am scared of the other person’s reaction or something bad is going to happen. Or both.
Sometimes, the emotions can get so overwhelming that you feel like you aren’t really in the real world anymore. Like detached.
I’m not saying all that to vent, just letting you know that you are not alone in your struggles :) it is a tough thing to deal with, and you do deserve some help. You and your well being matters. Can you reach out to anyone? Maybe a friend you could open up to? (If you feel comfortable). There’s no shame in struggling or getting better.
@Anonymous138
I've gone through the same thing, so I kno exactly how you feel. Honestly, i thought I was broken. I kept everything in me. It was working to help me deal with my sisters and not flip out on them. I guess at some point I explodde. Becuase I got mad and that let out the tears. After that, I couldn't stop. Random bursts of tears or when I try to be "happy". I hope you get through this, (and if you do, tell me how!)