Lost
My whole life, i’ve had to pretend that I was ok and that I was happy for my family. There was always something else going on with my mom and brother that I just ended up pushing my feelings behind me because it didn’t matter. I didn’t realize how much I was damaging myself until I got to high school and I no longer felt anything. When my brother moved out, I realized how neglected I was. My mom spent her time with my brother and letting him do things while I was just…. There. I existed but I was invisible. I was only noticed when I was doing something wrong and even then I was still invisible. It’s like I’m just a stranger living with a family. Nobody in my family actually knows anything about me like what I like or anything. I recently realized that people were just assuming what I was feeling, and my mom would occasionally say I had nothing going on and my feelings were invalid. I thought things would maybe change when I turned 18, but instead things just got worse for me. More was expected from me. Except no matter how hard I tried and no matter what I did it was never enough for my mom. I would try to say something and I would just get shut down with a SHH! Followed by a loud scoff and a head shake of disapproval.
I honestly don’t get why I’m here still… I’m not wanted here, it’s not like anyone would care if I was gone. Nobody would notice.
@oliveShade3748 I’m sorry you’re dealing with such a situation. I think that a lot of us end up with parents that don’t know how to deal with their own emotions. “Being tough” and ignoring one’s own feelings seems to be a common thing, so maybe this is what your mom was taught. That might not be much comfort for you right now. Family should be the place where we feel heard and cared for but we are often left to fend for ourselves. But that doesn’t mean we have to do it alone. Lots of good listeners here to help.
I care. I understand. Not xactly but I do.
@oliveShade3748
Hello, I want to tell you that you're not alone. While my situation is different from yours, I know how you feel. I don't tell my parents about my feelings or when I'm feeling down because the things they say are "Just don't be sad!", "There's no such thing as mental health." or "Everytime you have to do work, you make an excuse about feeling sad." And then I never tell them about anything but they still manage to find out and tell me the exact same things over again. It's pretty frustrating.
Also. About the last part of your post. I know that your birth was meant to be. Everything happens for a reason. Good job on posting on 7 cups and trying to help yourself. That's a very good step. Now the next step is to breathe and congratulate yourself on getting this far. Just remember that somewhere out there, there are people who love you (or will love you in the future). I'm one of those people. Even though we don't know each other, I already like you because we share some experiences and feelings.
Don't give up. You might think life is meaningless, but it's not. Life is like an empty canvas, and you're the one with the paint. You have to give your own life meaning. But we're always here to help.