My life is going in circles

I dont know why but I literally cant get myself out of bed anymore, I cant cry, I cant laugh I can just about smile. I've tried watching videos that are meant to make you laugh or cry but I just watch and even if I feel sad I dont cry. I dont leave my room anymore I barely talk to people and I'm pretty much always asleep. It just feels like I go to sleep to wake up to the same thing and nothing changes it np matter what I do. I hate talking about my feelings and my issues because I've been accused of attention seeking before when I ask for help so now I just keep everything hidden. I'm always making excuses not to leave the house and my foster carers are worried about me. When I was put into foster care I got taken away from all my friends and it makes me even sadder that I barely even see them anymore, I was meant to be seeing them once a week but because I've had self harm and suicide incidents they wont let me, and because I smoke in my room because I just cant get out of bed to go outside but they dont get it. And it's like a loop, the less I see my friends the more depressed I get and the more I stay in my room and smoke and self harm but they see it as I have to break they cycle rather than them being less strict with me going down to my friends but I'm just so unmotivated and alone that i cant do it no matter what i try. I dont kjow what to do anymore because it just feels like I'm going around and around and the further into my own head I go. I just feel so stuck I've been like this for the past month and a half and I just feel helpless and numb and I dont know what to do, I just want to cry but I physically cant do it. I just want to go home and feel something.