Not feeling like human

@SpacetimeScribe

I get what you’re dealing with in a way. I’m also 16. I am going through another episode of Major Depressive Disorder. I don’t feel happy much as well and currently I’m really tired. I’ve been going through cycles of depression for so long. It’s so hard just to keep living and do the basic things. It feels lonely even if you have others around you. It’s painful physically, emotionally and in more ways. Even if I feel happiness, I get anxious. It could be because I’m on guard and so tense all the time. Thoughts are very contradictory for me. For example, I can say I don’t want my life to end, and I don’t care about what happens to me in the same day. These past few days are particularly hard. I am “careless” and anxious at the same time. Kind of like you, I’m numb most of the time. My depression is atypical though. I’m difficult for myself to handle. It’s a lot. I also have been dealing with passive suicide ideation while still fearing about my life. It’s confusing. It’s gonna take a long time until our thought processing is going to be changed for the better. With depression, you are left with your own mind alone, not to mention taking care of what you have to do. I just want depression to go away for everyone. It’s great you’re being active. Last thing, it could be helpful to distract yourself in a way. You could pour cool water or put cool ice on your face. You could flop down on your bed and jump when your parents aren’t home. You could let all of the air out of your lungs and try to scream. You can eat something really spicy without milk! Learn something useless to you like balancing something on your head! Try to make a scenario in your head where you try to survive being on an island with someone you know well. What would you do first? What would you do if you were in space? Do an impression of a character from your childhood shows or movies. Keep your mouth full of water and watch funny videos!. Try to talk with your mouth closed while upside down! Try to draw something with your eyes closed. Try to do push ups or another exercise on beat with a song you like. Put on your headphones, play a good song, and just move around so much you get tired! Moving your body as little as possible, try to roll yourself from one side of the room to the other. Close your eyes and try to get from your room to the bathroom or another room. If your tired, place pillows on your bed and try to make it feel like a person. If you like deep pressure get a weighted blanket and wrap yourself in it. I always loved blanket forts, maybe try to make a strong one if you like those. Lift up one leg\foot and close your eyes before trying to hop around in a circle or across the room. Try to read something while doing crunches. If you meditate try to imagine how it would physically feel to be at your dream location. A beach for example. You feel the sand touching you on your bare feet, feel the waves pushing your body even after you get out. You hear the annoying calls of seagulls while they are fighting for curly fries, lol. It’s very warm, but the water cools you off well. You splash water as high as you can, and it splashes all over you. You can taste and smell your favorite food as you stop to eat. Of course, it’s going to take a looong time before a big change comes, but who knows, maybe it’ll end up getting better in a way you may not expect. I don’t expect you to see this immediately so good night. Remember to let yourself feel whatever emotions come when bad things come up. Remember that someone cares. And again, good night or day.

-KayKay ^^