feeling pointless
hi so i guess this all started when my ex best friend died last month. we are just teenagers and it happened to sudden. i didnt know what to feel like we have been close friends for my childhood and stopped talking during grade 7. now am grade 11 and yeah this happened. idk if i’m depressed or anything i just feel over life. like my life is great tbh i have a loving family and good friends and a good relationship with my body. but i always invalidate what i feel and idk how to stop it. like i haven’t spoken to her for years why am i being all sad about it. i feel so pointless. i go to school and i hate all my subjects. i should be lucky i am even attending school and i am so blessed with my life but gosh i can’t help but feel sad sometimes that i have to live my life in this bad world filled with bad people. i’ve just been thinking about dying a lot like if i died i would have zero responsibilities. maybe i’m just lost in life. i’ve been putting too much meaning into it when really it’s pointless and i have to give it meaning. it’s the little things that matter. but i also feel like all hope is lost for the world and humanity and i don’t wanna live in a world filled with hatred and anger and greed yk??
What you are feeling is normal. You lost an old friend and she's still your friend despite you not having talked to her for some time. You felt grief, you felt empathy about her situation and thought about how if she could have died, you could have too. You felt the pain of loss, and you struggled with staying positive when you tried shifting your attention towards what matters now and the people around you today because you have not fully processed her death. If you have mutual friends with her, or if she will be having a funeral, I will encourage you to talk to them and to attend the funeral, both of which helps you process her death. If that still doesn't work, perhaps you can consider doing something nice to their parents. Perhaps a letter card and a gift? Or perhaps something like going to their place and talking to them about how you remembered their kid and what impact she had made on your life. Grief is difficult, and it will never truly truly go away. But you will be able to lessen its impacts over time and I want to encourage you for the time being that I am sure that she'll love to see someone's life changed for the better because of her. :)
Hey, I hear you. This world is a really dark place. I also feel pretty lost in life, and I have no idea what I'm doing at my job. We gotta take it one day at a time. I've heard that life can be beautiful. I guess it's what we make it. Please feel free to watch this for encouragement: https://youtu.be/6a1p1_jzM14