Hello

Hello. My name is Sarah. I had a few drinks so I am just gonna let it all out. Exscuse the word diarrhea. I was on this site a few years ago and it helped me, so here I am back again. I am 25. My father has M.S and Alzheimer's. He has had both since before I was born. This fathers day (June 16) marked 5 years since he has been in his current state. His current state meaning no walking. He is in a hoyer lift.He sometimes knows who I am, sometimes doesn't. Caregivers. He goes in a stretcher to doctors since he falls out of wheelchairs. My last Grandparent that was alive past very early Thursday. Wednesday night. June 20th. Whatever you call it. I was at the bar when I found out. My mom finally went to watch her. I been at her side since she was diagnosed with cancer in April. She was on hospice and I signed on as her primary caregiver. I moved in with her and she was my routine. I have nightmares of my mom calling me. "I can't get ahold of Compassus" "why do you need to get hold of hospice?" "I don't know, maybe becuase your ******* grandmom died???" "What do you mean died??" "Not breathing. No oxygen. Eyes rolled back. DEAD." I held it the hell together. Made the arrangements, or so I thought. Then I found her will. From 1977. And her life insurance from 1952. At this point she can't be buried. All my life she said she wanted to be creneated and place on my grandfather grave. I am a mess. I hopped a plane less then two days after she died to go to my boyfriend's hometown to try to clear my head. I am sorry if someone actually made it to the end of this diarrhea of words. It's a bunch of my thoughts on a page.