My Life with Misophonia
I thought I would share what my life is life with a very rare neurological disorder that is somewhat newly discovered, and has no cure. Misophonia, or selective sound sensitivity syndrome, is a disorder is which a person reacts with extreme fear/anxiety/anger or disgust as certain everyday sounds. These are "soft" sounds like chewing, swallowing, tapping, clicking, etc. Around my twelth birthday, I became becoming intollerant of certain sounds. I would get really upset at my brothers for chewing so loudly (well it seemed loud to me) and they probably thought I was mean/nurs older sister for yelling at them so much for it, but I literally couldn't control the anger I felt. Over time, the list grew and the severity of my reactions grew. I didnt tell anyone growing up that I was struggling, I did my best to hide it for fear they would think I was nuts. I have talked to people on here about it before, some were understanding, others thought I was making it up, or tell me to just get over it, that its just a sound. The one friend I trusted enough to tell looked at me like I was from mars when I told her. Currently, my reaction to the sounds is a mix of extreme anxiety and rage. I have to remove myself from sound to be able to calm down. I have ended up physical hurting myself because my anxiety levels were so high. I come to learn a few things that help me. Number one would be, headphones and ear pugs are your best friends if you have this disorder, two is running a fan for white noise is extremely beneficial, and three is avoiding most triggering places like the movie theater for me. In a typical day, I will be triggered anywhere from 5-20 times. I do life in some fear of being triggered because when I am triggered, I cant function normally. I cant even hold a normal conversation when triggered by a sound. I have never been officially diagnosed, but after extensive research on it, I am positive I have a more extreme form of misophonia. Unfortunately as I mentioned before, there is no cure. There are treatments, but they only work for some people. I have tried a couple of the treatment ideas, but it didn't help me at all, actually just made it worse. So, that is my story, just one of the puzzle pieces in my complex life. Feel free at ask questions if you want :)
I haven't been diagnosed with misophonia but I can somewhat relate. I have SPD (Sensory Processing Disorder). Like you I have a sensitivity to sound, but I also have sensitivities to textures like clothing. I cannot walk in a straight line due to my motor sensors being absolutely kaput. The sounds are the worst though.
I too get angry and anxious when I hear sounds I don't like. The only way I can explain it to people who don't have it is imagine most sounds sounding like nails on a chalkboard. It's always petty things that trigger me, tapping, chewing, when people click with their tongue before they speak. I think resteraunts are the worst for me though, all the cutlery scraping, too many people talking, the chefs yelling, the pans sizzling, the music playing, the people chewing. It's just way too much sensory input and I lose it.
People too think I'm short tempered. Once in the car my younger brother was in the back seat and tapped his finger for a whole 20 minutes very quietly. He knew I was the only one who could hear it. I ignored him for as long as I could. I bit my lip and tried to focus on other things but all that did was bottle all the rage and anxiety up. Then all of a sudden the floodgates were open and I burst out "CUT IT OUT!". He had this smug grin on his face which only made me angrier, my mother told me off for yelling and being so aggressive, she didn't know I had SPD at the time. Just the other day my cousin was playing the recorder but he was doing it wrong and it sounded awful. It was way too loud for me and he wouldn't stop when I asked him to. In order to avoid an angry outburst at the family gathering I bit my lip until it bled.
I think the worst part is my family seem to think that I can be desensitised. Like, the more sound they expose me to the more I'll get used to it. You will never get used to your senses being jacked up 10x. You can't just get used to a noise that makes you shudder. It doesn't work like that, it only makes me more irritated and unpatient.
I've got these soundproof headphones which are absolute heaven, I love it. But all in all, I get it, it sucks and I'm here for you if you ever want to talk :)