Bullying ( Disability Forum Discussion)

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@RaspberryCup8692 aww

@CaringBrit Bullying is a targeted attack (whether physical, verbal, or online) that occurs repeatedly over a period of time

@CaringBrit

Bullying is being cruel to another person or group of people from a position of some kind of power.

@CaringBrit

Bullying is treating someone in a way in order to make them feel intimidated, threatened, or bad about themselves.

@CaringBrit

Bullying is when one person or group intentionally belittles or harms another person or group. This can be done for the purpose of feeding one's ego at another's expense, or to compete for resources, Maybe there are some underlying issues like insecurity or some psychological factor, I don't know and it is hard to say. I think it comes down to the choice a person makes between feeling empathy or choosing not to.

@CaringBrit

I think the main reason a person becomes a bully is to make themselves feel powerful and in control.

@CaringBrit

They have a need to feel more powerful than someone else and need to exert control.

@CaringBrit

I'm thinking a bully probably had some trauma where they felt that exerting their power either solved the problem or would have solved the problem. I wish I could hear from someone who used to be a bully to tell me their story. I also experienced this sort of trauma but it actually ended up making me more compassionate towards others. I honestly have trouble fully comprehending why bullies are the way they are.

@RaspberryCup8692 yess love that answer

@RaspberryCup8692

That's a really insightful answer. Do you have first hand experience of this? Like, did you see someone experience a trauma and then adapt by bullying?

@CaringBrit

My friend Rebecca - the girl who told me I was her best friend in grade 4 - was often bullied in elementary school because she has a learning disability. Usually she would come hang out with me, and I would protect her.

By the time I was in university, I had a severe mood disorder (MDD). I don't think anyone knew about it, unless I told them, but people would often imply that I must not care about school, etc. This was because I had to drop down to a part-time course load and would often have to drop classes if I was struggling during the semester. I went back to school at 30 (I'm going on 36 now) and have experienced what might be considered bullying at work due to my health issues. I have my MDD under control but have been diagnosed with Lupus, Sjogren's and several other chronic illnesses in the past few years. I had used accomodations arranged through the Human Resources department and protected by various pieces of legislation to continue working as long as I could (I am now on sick leave), but other people were not aware of this. So I have walked in on several conversations where people (including my supervisors) were talking about me for various reasons - generally assuming that I was a lazy employee, etc.

@CaringBrit

This has honestly happened far too often for me to even begin listing the times I've seen it happen to people I know. That said, I'm not entirely sure it's ever actually happened to me. I've been bullied many times in my life, but I'm not sure if it was ever due to a disability or illness.

@CaringBrit ...hope you are feeling better today CaringBrit. Please take whatever time you need to take care of you, we will be okay here ;)

When I think about bullying it always takes me back to my early elementary school days. I remember that on picture day in kindergarten, one of the popular girls and her friend made a point of telling me on the schoolbus that, "No one is going to take your picture - you're not pretty, and you're not wearing a dress." LOL! Karma eventually found its way to this person, although it had nothing to do with me.

In generaly, thinking about bullying reminds me of situations where I wish I had said or done something differently. Sometimes it triggers old anger at people that I wish I had responded differently to.

@CaringBrit

I know it made me feel a lot less confident about myself and especially my appearance but also my abilities. It's definitely contributed to my anxiety.

@CaringBrit

I don't think so, no. It's hard to tell how I would have behaved and grown as a person had I never experienced bullying, but I'm relatively sure I would have had plenty of drive to do well. If bullying could be construed to have had any sort of positive effect on me, I think it may have taught me to be more humble. But even that feels awful to suggest, because bullying is an awful, destructive thing, and even if there could be some positive outcomes for a bullied person those things could have been learned/achieved in much more helpful and effective ways.

@CaringBrit
I'm not sure that bullying motivated me to prove anyone wrong...but I think I decided that if this was how people thought they were going to treat me, then I needed to live guarded and also not take any baloney from anyone. I was somewhat lucky in that I was the type of kid that always had a good comeback, and I was physically strong enough that even the boys my age couldn't really push me around. I know that isn't the case for most people in the position of outsider and I feel bad for those who had really rotten experiences. There were a few kids who followed me around the school yard just so they wouldn't be picked on and a couple of them have thanked me for it as adults. I guess I was somewhat vigilante.

As an adult when I've come upon bullying I've made use of whatever procedure is in place to deal with such things - HR people, labour laws, human rights codes, etc. So in a way I guess maybe seeing bullying has been motivating in the sense that when I see unfair practices I try to fight to see them changed...? I think this has been a motivator for other people who suffered injustice of some kind but went on to be social justice heroes.

@CaringBrit
(This pertains more to adults than younger people.)

I think a big contribution to making it "okay" to bully disabled people is that society seems to determine a person's worth (and acceptability) according to their ability to work and produce in a commercial sense. And to do it without requiring accomodations of any kind. This and the competitive and resentful nature of many people.

I have been off work since the beginning of last November...before having to go on disability I had some accomodations that I had arranged through Human Resources, and initially my immediate supervisor. I have a job where I have several drafting projects to work on at once and it doesn't really matter what time of day I do them, except that I need some overlap with the customer's business hours for having questions answered. So my start time was adjusted to later in the day, which was apparently upsetting to a number of people it really didn't concern.

I find it easier to hide as much of my disability issues from the regular staff as I can in the workplace, because there is always some person who takes exception to anything they notice being different about my situation. Sometimes it can even start out as something that was initially intended to be nice - like our secretary asking me what I could eat when I didn't want to get food from a fast food truck that the company had brought in (I have several autoimmune issues, including Crohn's). I told her I don't know from one day to the next if I'll be able to handle lunch, or what I might be able to eat that day. She kept loudly pressuring me for an answer until finally I just told her that I appreciated her asking me but I felt more comfortable taking care of my own food when the time came. She got mad and I'm sure she went to complain to the other women in the office.

Unfortunately people tend to pick at anyone who's different...I don't know if this is an evolutionary thing as well - "Survival of the fittest," but it persists.

@CaringBrit

I think the lack of disabled representation in popular culture contributes, because it leaves disabled people as seeming "weird" and like outsiders that the average person cannot understand. More representation, especially well-done representation, would help normalize people with disabilities.