Denying

Hello, I’m one of those weird cases where I started getting sick at a young age and even after finally getting diagnosis I just can’t seem to accept it. I know that, even though my condition really affects every part of my life, I don’t have it as bad as I could, and I’m even doing better than I have in the past. It just makes me feel so guilty and wrong to feel so depressed or frustrated that I have to live with the things and I have to live with. Specifically today I woke up (trigger warning vomiting) And had my typical once a week reunion with a bucket and small sips of water. It sucks because I’ve got my health at a point where for a good amount of the week I feel pretty tolerable like I can still work and I even started college this last year. Before last year, I was out on disability and couldn’t even drive and now I turned my life around again and things were going so good. It just feels like those days when you have a flareup is a reminder that my life will never be normal. It’s just weird to me that I’ve been diagnosed for like seven years now and I still can’t just accept that. Constantly trying to find the reason to prove that I’m not just sick forever. And I know that things can get better and I might even reach remission someday.