Disable, insecure and depress

Hello dear friends. I am writing here because I really do not know what else to do without getting my family involved (I am 36 but not capable of driving no more). After you read my blog I hope you understand my title and why I am suffering as much.

Ive been leaving in China for the last 20 years. I started going once every 2 weeks to buy stuff and when I was 18 me and my father decided that it was time for me to step up and create our own factory ( at this time I gotta day that I was a young DJ celebrity in my country but family came first).

For now I will stay out of the details, but after i have enough money, fame and fun I decided to marry a Chinese woman and like that I was married. At that time I wanted to have kids but my wife wanted to wait till we got married (sane day we got married it was the first day she hatted me and no the last). Anyway, 4 years into the marriage and everything was bad, she was working in a gym and I was working in the nightlife industry, so we see each other 5 maybe 10 minutes per day.

Now, I will explain how I hit sick and what comes first.

At the time, my wife and me already decided that we will get divorce (mostly because she showed at my work place with a boyfriend to make me see it). So good or bad, I got an awesome beautiful UK girl, but not any girl, a sex addict (I was in need for a long time).

So everything went great until the day that I had the stroke. That day me and the UK girl stayed home, open some wine bottles and with the background sound of movies we made love for over 12 hours (yeah, incredible,if you tell me I would never believe you). Anyway, 12am I went back home and started to change to my pijamas so I would take a rest before I go to work that night.

And that was the right moment my stoke happened. I gotta tell you that even though thats a story for another time, I was not findable for almost 3.5h and I got into the hospital dead. Luckily the doctor they treated me knew what he was doing and after revived me and got me 3 weeks in coma I was able to come back to my country and continue rehab here.

Anyway, now I am much better and I have been coming Back to china (one of those times to get a rindo divorce after I found out that one of the reasons I was how I was was because as my only family the doctor told her that they needed her signature to open my head and clean my hemorrhage and she said no).

Anyway, here is what i am really worry about:

A year back, I meet a ex girlfriend that I had 16 years did not see, this time with her kid and right away he click on my heart as same as her mother(gorgeous). After a few months and a lot of coincidences I decide to ask he out and she said yes. After that, we 3 look and feel like a family, and I was gonna ask her to marry me and adopt her child but the COVID-19 got in the middle.

Now, I am feeling super insecure, 6 months without seeing them, and every time I make a video call he hung up on me, and most painful is that he do not want to talk to me.

Now I feel very bad and insecure, not only because the child but because the mother. She can always think that i am not good for her son.

What do you guys think?