Everything is a struggle

So I have a court date next week for SSI the day after my birthday. I, normally this time of year I'm so happy and excited with Christmas, my birthday me and my husbands anniversary(17th), and my nephew's first birthday is the day after court(13th). I have Ehlers danlos type 3 and I'm 22 walk with a can have had 10 surgeries and more will be needed eventually on my back and knees. My lawyer told me I have a better chance of getting disability for my bipolar than I do for LITERALLY BEING PHYSICALLY DISABLED (sorry felt that needed emphasis). My grandma doesn't help she's saying "you arent the right type of person for SSI" and I'm sure she means something racist by that. Also I struggle with self harm I'm 55 days clean but it's a struggle. I'm ok now as far as that goes no intense urges but it still is a daily struggle and no one in my family knows except my the few that also struggle with it and my husband, but I reapeat I'm ok I'm not thinking of harming. My grandma said in the car one day my cousin wouldn't harm if she was raised right and my grandma raised me so I was really upset by that. So that brings it around to my cousin who is also severely struggling they lives in the same house as us and she's been to the er for being suicidal and was almost admitted. So I feel like I can't talk to anyone about how I feel cause my family has a habit of "oh so and so is sick so you just want attention". It's been that way since I was young ive never been able to share my feelings and right now all I want is to get some help talk to someone go somewhere where I can let it all out and have someone help me. Cause I feel like if I don't get disability next week my life will be over cause I can't work I physically just can't and mentally as well cause of the physcial pain. I'm scared and on top of it all. Me husband just switched jobs and we were in a good spot before he lost his last job to the point we thought it would be the best time to try for a child cause I am not getting worse physically and being a mother is the one thing I want more than anything even if by time I can I'm in a wheelchair I'll find a way to do it you know. But we just got a call from lthis week from the doctor that my hormone levels are low and if in a few months I still don't ovulate ill have to see a fertility doctor and by that time I don't know if we will even be back in a place where having a kid is possible. My life just feels like it's crashing down on me but don't worry I'm not suicidal right now my will lto be a mother is the one thing keeping me from that, but that may be ripped away from me but I don't want to give up on that. So lastly I've been really sick on top of the depression I had a tooth abcess got a root canal and ended up in pain so bad afterwards due to tmj I puked fainted and got really shakey and sweaty. My mother in law doesn't understand any of this and is mad that I'm not talking to her I texted her hey I'm not ignoring you I'm just severely depressed and sick so I just don't have the energy to talk right now. She went off saying no one wants to talk to her be everyone wants to ignore her. I feel bad cause her husband is possibly cheating and he's been treating her like crap and her other 2 sons are soley reliant on her for everything and they are 19 and 26 and cant do anything to help themselves. I understand she's stressed and needs to rant but I don't have the energy to handle all that right now. I'm so so sorry I'm going on I don't know what to do with half of this and again sorry it's so long and so so much.