How to appreciate the miracle of my life
I was in a terrible car accident 23 years ago. They said I'd be dead within 3 days. They said I'd be a vegetable if I came out if my coma. They said I'd never walk again, but after the years I did start walking again, although minutes and with pain. So now here I am, this living miracle. Nothing in modern science says I should be alive. But I don't want to be. I feel so useless. I had brain trauma, so it's hard for me to pick up around the house because up and down makes me dizzy and nauseous. My mobility is limited because if I'm on my feet too much I won't be able to walk at all for a couple of days. And I have lymphedema and lipedema, so my legs get super swollen if they're not elevated all the time. But I just feel so lazy. I feel like I should do more, but that I don't because I'm lazy. I feel worthless. I try to trust God has a plan for my life, but it's so hard to keep going sometimes. And then I feel bad for being ungrateful that God saved me.
Laziness only happens when you can work but don't want to because sloth is easier. In your case, you cannot. You know your limitations are real. Perhaps some part of you still hasn't accepted it, I dunno... Disability is real. Differences in work capacity from one person to another are real, not just in terms of disability but among able-bodied folks too. You must understand this fully.
I'm disabled too; however my conditions are nothing like yours. So my limitations allow me a bit more leeway, so to speak...but they're limitations nonetheless. Because of my conditions, I cannot do everything I once did & some days I can barely do anything at all. Even when I was younger & healthier, I couldn't jump like Kobe Bryant or run like Usain Bolt...now I really can't do anything that athletic when my conditions flare up. That does not make me useless, or somehow less valid as a human being. Do you see?
If you really need something to do, find an activity that doesn't require much movement or running around...something you can focus on, that requires effort for mastery. If you're a competitive sort, chess or go are perfect. Play it online & you literally do not need to do anything more than press keys on a keyboard or screen--physically, that is. Mentally, you'll have to do a lot more than that.
There's new technology coming out all the time. The robot vacuum cleaners can help clean the house for you and finding a purpose like volunteering at a cause you care about can support your new way of life and new and improved purpose. Your limitations don't define you, they just help you think outside the box more.
You are definitely not alone in feeling all the feelings that you're feeling. I'm speaking from experience, I'm not just saying that.
