Anyone Else Experience Chronic Pain & Lack of Understanding from Friends and Family?

@slauren

As someone who is probably one of those people who are "less fortunate" that your family speaks of (I'm wheelchair bound), I find it sad and a little offensive that they are trying to motivate and belittle your pain by comparing you to "someone like me". Your pain and experience is yours, you have every right to only do the things you able to. Comparing you to others is really pointless, you're in pain and emotional support should be their primary focus. Not demanding more from someone who is already struggling.

From experience, it takes awhile to adapt to chronic pain. Especially if you were once very healthy. It's not only physically demanding but also very emotionally devastating. I'm sure going from a healthy body to being in body that experiences chronic pain, feels like a death. There is life after a physically traumatizing event, but you have to find where your new personal physical limits are now. That's okay if you're still figuring it out, life is a journey, and sometimes the road is tough but I know you're tougher!

The next time your family tries to get you to do something you are unable to, remember this: they love you and want the best but you know what you can and cannot do. At the very least, you know you have someone in your corner who understands the challenges of facing a chronic condition. Take care and good luck! xx

My family loves sports. My dad goes running at least three times a week, my brother is a national chess champion and is about to become one in handball too. Our weekend activites mostly include going for a hike or skiing or stuff like that.

It makes me feel really overlooked. I try, I try so hard to be the daughter they want, the daughter they deserve. But I just can't! I have chronic pain in my back, hand, knees. All due to a back deformity I was born with. My parents never took it seriously, even after I was diagnosed. When I tell them I can't do something because of my back, they are just like "What's wrong with your back?". This hurts so bad! They know about my back, they know my diagnosis, but still they choose to ignore it.

@slauren

Dont let those around you dictate whether or not youve made progress with your illness. I have chronic pain as well, and its difficult for someone who doesnt go through something of the nature to truly understand. In their minds, they mean well, but they couldnt truly understand how difficult it must be for you. Just because they cant see or understand the progress youre making, doesnt mean it isnt there or it doesnt count.

I know how easy it is to get distant with friends and family, and I know how upsetting it is once you have been distanced because its nerve-wracking to try and get close again. Its difficult trying to figure out if youre still close enough that theyll want to hang out on the days you feel up for it. But as much as they dont understand, as much as they make you feel like your efforts are for nothing, dont give up on them.

No one will ever 100% completely understand what youre going through, not even me, because Im not in your position. I can only know how difficult it is for me, and only you can know how difficult it is for you. But as long as they are trying to understand, as long as they are trying to be there through thick and thin even if they dont see your progress, then dont give up on them.

If they are making it obvious that they don't care enough to try to understand your boundaries, especially on your bad days, then don't feel ashamed to cut them out of your life. You deserve better than to feel as if your relationships are always bound to revolve around your chronic pain. You are more than your disabilities. If your family and friends can't respect that on some days all you want to do is rest, then they aren't worth the trouble. Make your boundaries clear, and reassure yourself that it is okay to have boundaries.

There is never any guarantee of how you will feel on a day. Your life is a garden. With every good day a flower sprouts, and with the bad days some weeds grow. But no matter if you have more weeds than flowers, at the end of the day you still have a garden. Remind yourself that it's okay to cancel plans because you don't feel up to it, whether it's physically or mentally, you're allowed to say no.

But know that you can always talk to those around you, in real life or online, dont ever feel guilty or ashamed or think its depressing to talk about things like this. Your progress matters, how far youve come from when you began is so important. I may not know everything but I know I am so extremely proud of everything youve accomplished. When I say you deserve the good in the world and that you deserve to be happy, I mean it. Im not just saying it because its a nice thing to say when someone is sad. You deserve great things because you are a human being and you are owed the right to be happy, be proud of yourself and be proud of your progress because I know that I, and most definitely other people, are so incredibly proud of you.

Tldr; no one will truly understand your pain but if they are really trying then that's what matters, and if they are faulting you for your pain don't be afraid to cut them out of your life. Always do what is best for you, because you deserve to live a life where even if you are in pain you can find happiness. 💖