shame and pain
I keep considering getting a cane. My fibromyalgia sometimes makes it very painful for me to walk, and other forums suggest people with this diagnosishave better balance and functioning with a cane.
But I know there's no actual tissue damage. My pain isn't constant. Some days I don't need it, and on the days when I have the pain, it's not as if I can't walk.
I remember my mum always blaming my grandmother for her fragile body. "She'd avoid doing work" and "she'd buy light vacuums" and "she'd avoid the stairs." Physical activity, keeping yourself fit, is something which helps later in life. Science supports her with this. "You use it or you lose it," she'd say.
My brain turns this into something destructive, shameful. The fibromyalgia becomes my fault. In this light, surely if I were only more active; if I were only less lazy; if I only did more. And by getting a cane I'd only be encouraging more pain.
But parking farther away, taking the stairs, trying to walk more; I'm still in pain. It's still hard for me to grasp things some days, or walk, or even just sit. Some days I'm fine. Some days I'm not, and then I wonder about that cane.
I feel like it's my fault.
... and of course I do nothing but complain about it. 
You don't have to feel guilty : a lot of people don't practice sport or anything and are still healthy. It depends on people, I guess you've been unlucky. I know that life's unfaire sometimes. I'm sure that if you do your best to train yourself despite of the pain you'll be proud of you. Of course you allow you to take some rest and to use a cane when you need it. Don't be ashamed. You're not responsible for everything that happens to your body.
Thanks for this. I'm very prone to blaming myself and not validating my progress as I try to help myself.
It's hard, but I'm going to do my best to accept my limitations and try very hard to actually give credit to work I am doing.
You're already in a good move :) you just need someone to support you, and the listeners are willing to be that person :)
I'm sorry to hear fibromyalgia is causing these problems for you. Complaining or venting can help you get things off your chest, giving you a clearer mind to focus on other, more positive things. We all need to complain sometimes!
Your mum's wordsmust make it difficult to come to terms with your body's current limitations and move forward. It can be so easy to internalize what she says about your grandmother, and start applying them to yourself, butfibromyalgia isn't your fault. Even the healthiest, fittest people in the world can still get sick, whether mentally or physically. It's not their fault, nor is fibromyalgia yours.
Have you talked to doctor about the pain you experience, and ways to make things easier on yourself? What sort of treatments (whether professional or at home) have you tried so far? What has helped you the most?
You're right, it's very easy for me to internalize what my mum has been saying. Especially since she does usually turn those things around and apply them to me; "excercise or you're lazy and weak" or "you'll end up like this if you don't ..." . It's the main reason why I haven't told my family about my diagnosis.
I've been working with my therapist, validating how I've been trying (and that trying itself is good!) and that my diagnoses are not my fault.
I talked to my therapist about my pain first; she encouraged me to talk to my primary care doctor. He immediately ran me through tests and then referred me to a rheumetologist. The rheumetologist gave me the diagnosis. That doctor recommended that I work with my psychiatrist in tweaking my depression/anxiety meds to also help with pain management.
Dialectical behavioral therapy has been my primary treatment, and also the most helpful. We've expanded the treatment goals after the diagnosis to include coping with pain and learning resiliancy towards pain, and validating my experiences. Validation has been the key goal in all parts of my DBT therapy, and the most difficult. But I have been trying, and I'm trying to recognize that trying is a good thing in and of itself.
I'm doing my best to educate myself, to find out which exercise programs would work for me. To motivate myself to exercise despite pain. I think that's what's currently missing; I'm doing the therapy and taking meds for it. It's now up to me to actually be an active participant in making myself better, rather than sitting around.
Sounds like you're doing a lot more than just complaining. You're talking to with doctors, adjusting medication, going throughDBT, readjusting your thought patterns, and researching exercise programs that might help you the most. That's a lot of stuff! You're taking control of the situation, and finding ways to work with it. That's really impressive!
It also sounds like you have a positive goal to work toward -- to be an active participant in making yourself better. And if ever you need some support during that, someone to vent to or encourage you, you can always come here to chat with a listener. We're all here for you, cheering you on!
Thanks for your support and encouragement, AdventuRin. I really appreciate it. 